There is a dark place, but I’m not going there, no, no, no. [inaudible].
There is a dark place, but I’m not going there, no, no, no. [inaudible]
Hi, I’m Jordan.
And I’m Lex!
And this is a very special episode of, “Or Learn Parkour”.
It’s the podcast about ADHD, except for this week, when it’s not.
It sort of is still, but as y’all might’ve picked up already, we have two very special guests on this episode! Uh, who are here to talk about-
ADHD in relationships, and what it’s like to have someone with ADHD in your life. Please welcome, Sarah and Kayla from the “Fabulous Sounds Fake, but Okay.” Welcome to the show!
Hello! Thank you for having us!
I mean, you said it’s not as much about ADHD this week, but everything I do… is about ADHD deep down. So-
It’s true. [Laughter]
So glad to hear that! You will, you will fit in very well with what we’ve got going on, which is a lot of different things at once, usually in a pretty chaotic coughing. So welcome.
Thanks for coming and joining us via zoom, to clarify for everyone who’s listening here,
Yes. We’re being very safe.
We are not all in the same place, we’re actually in the same room, coughing all over each other. [Laughter] [coughing] its true.
Now we are actually, we’re very socially distanced because we’re in Chicago-
We’re in three different States.
And you’re in Louisiana and California, right?
It doesn’t get, much more distance than that. Staying within the continental United States.
So staying safe, your resume, but welcome to our podcast! That is definitely about parkour. So, are you guys ready to do some kick flips?
I am absolutely ready to do some kick flips. I’m a little bit out of practice, but like-
Yup I’m more ready than Sarah, because she’s like, broken her back several times. So, I’m worried for her doing kickflips and I’m also very out of shape, but we will do our best, right.
Hey! it’s called “Learn Parkour” for a reason!
That’s true, that’s true.
And there is an “Or”, so it is optional.
Yeah, there you go.
Perfect. No, but in all seriousness, uh because this is our Galentine’s day episode. Uh, we wanted to invite another fantastic pair of podcast besties on the show to talk about ADHD and relationships. In the broad sense, a lot of people are talking about romance, and all of that stuff right now, but we wanted to look at that a little bit deeper, especially in the sense of friendship, and like what it’s like to build connection with people with ADHD. Whether that’s someone you love, or that’s something that you are going through yourself. So we had a couple of questions for y’all.
Well, can y’all introduce yourselves? Maybe give our audience kind of a clue as to who you are, what you do, what’s your about?
Yeah. So, we are the co-hosts of “Sounds Fake, but okay.” Which is, a podcast where an Aroace girl that’s me, I’m aromatic and asexual and Kayla who-
I’m demisexual, and also had a real romantic.
Yeah, it felt weird for me to just say that for you. Um, I don’t know why- um [Laughter]. But we talk about all things to do with love, relationships and pretty much anything else we do to understand. Specifically, from an ace-spec perspective, from the perspective people who don’t necessarily experience attraction in the same way as quote unquote normal people. And it’s a chaotic party over there.
Sarah is the ADHD half, but we both are full of anxiety and depression. So, great!
A great mix of all of the mental illnesses.
Fabulous! And I- yeah, I figured because half of you have ADHD, and then half of us, moi. Are ace, that we would like cover a pretty good ground here.
I am the token allosexual for this episode-
We have our one.
And I am the token, not ADHD! So, we have every type of human ever in this.
Yes! There are only four types of human, and we are all of them.
We are each a square, on the larger Punnett square of life.
Enneagram homes. It’s just the four,
But we are not, but a four square. [Inaudible] the game, with the dodge ball.
The game with four squares?
Yeah? Yeah. It is four squares.
Also, when I was like, wait, wasn’t that a social media thing for a while?
It was! It also was.
You ever just like, you start spiraling, maybe rambling, but like you just run out of places to go- see just kind of-
And then you just kind of like are sitting there, but like, then you’re like, this is an audio medium. You can’t see what my face is doing. If you could see my face, you would understand.
The amount of times where I just- don’t say words on this podcast and then have to be prompted into actually expressing things verbally. It’s a, higher amount of times than probably should be.
I mean, that’s what editing’s for though, right?
Well, thanks for introducing yourselves. Yeah. We’re, we’re pretty- sorry. It’s a Thursday night and there’s been an impeachment trial happening all week. So, I’ve known. I personally am like a little worse for wear, mentally. So I apologize for my, um-
You’re doing amazing.
Who needs a brain?
I was in like a five-hour straight work meeting today
Um, I’m technically still at work. So…
Nice! Great! Love it
We’re all doing fantastic [laughter].
This is America baby!.
As Troy Bolton always says, we’re all in this together, so.
The wise words of Troy Bolton.
I almost just said, may he rest in peace? And then I was like that’s not right! He’s not-
I haven’t seen him in a while. I don’t know.
He’s traveling the world. Like a weird young Anthony Bordain.
Like with the Globe Trotters?
Maybe its like an Avril Levine situation.
I’ve heard that Netflix show is actually really bad. I haven’t watched it.
Yeah. There’s some concrete things that I have issues with in terms, of the content. But in terms of the vibe, it’s immaculate! Pretty good, [laughter]. It’s just Zac Efron being an absolute idiot! Just going around the world being like “Cool! Cool! Nice! Okay!” Like, yeah, we’re going to do Ayahuasca? Okay! And then they just conveniently don’t film any of that part [laughter].
Yikes! But also, the dream?
Yeah. There’s a lot happening, but then it ends with like a weird, sort of like doom and gloom thing. Because like right at the end of their recording process was the California wildfires.
Yeah no. Its-its uh.
That’s-that’s dark for a cooking show!
Seems like a mess
It was a good cooking show though. It’s just liked a travel show.
That’s also dark for a travel show!
Yeah, yeah that’s fair. But they had to stop recording and go home because their houses were on fire.
Yeah no, sorry. [inaudible].
Starting this one off on a high note everybody!
Someone else please talk, save me from-.
Welcome to “Or Learn Parkour.”
Thank you! Thank you!
You’re already, already doing better than we are.
You wanna take over for me?
We’re signing custody of the podcast over to you.
Oh god, we can’t have another child. [Laughter]
I’m sure they’ll get along. Great! You know, anyways! Since this is a podcast about- talking about ADHD, do we want to do that?
So, thanks for having us!
It’s been grand. Goodness gracious. To start off with, whoever feels moved by the spirit to answer these questions, hop right in! But what has been your, either of your journeys with mental health and, or getting diagnosed with ADHD?
Kayla, do you feel as though your spirit is moved, or should I move my spirit?
I can move. My answer is probably shorter and less about ADHD so-
Move your spirit.
I will move. So like I said, I do not have ADHD, but I, um, have been blessed by God and Jesus with, um, anxiety and depression. Uh, my diagnosis was-
Sorry. Alexa felt very seen by what you just said.
I think your video was like delayed. So I heard noise, but no one was moving. So, I was like, “What have I just heard?”
I truly had no idea what was going on, okay.
And I’m so sorry, go on!
I’m so sorry. I, I told Jordan I would behave myself [laughter] and I have not so-
It’s okay, I understand.
We’re gonna continue.
Um, see I have anxiety and depression. So, my diagnosis wasn’t actually that much of an ordeal. Starting in my junior year of high school, I started getting anxiety attacks, and the super fun thing about my anxiety attacks is I vomit during them, or it’s kind of what like comes at the end of my anxiety attacks. It’s very sexy and cute. So, I started doing that during junior year, and we were like, we’ve simply got to do something about this. So, I started going to therapy, and I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression thinking back, I had definitely been depressed for like several years before that, and just like, didn’t realize that’s why I was crying over like things that normal people wouldn’t have been so upset about?
What’s normal people?
Yeah, I don’t know.
I’m here to challenge your language! At the average, not neuro typical people, I guess? I don’t know.
Neuro-typical. Not, not neuro typical.
Yes, I guess.
Okay, and then I- So I started taking meds pretty soon after that. I’m on some good, good Prozac and have been for like six years? Oh my God!
Wait, did you take it today? Is that what the snap you sent me right before this was?
I did, I have taken it today. I’m really bad about taking my meds every day. So, me and Sarah have like a 200 days snap streak.
It’s not that long.
Is that your fire alarm?
Well not me. Yes! It’s over. It goes off for like literally no reason all the time.
Oh okay. If there is no fire, it’s fine.
I was like, this just took an even darker turn, and I didn’t know that was possible, but-
You could literally do nothing, and it’ll go off. And then the other day there was like literally bread on fire, like flames, and there was no fire alarm. So, like-
I blame Zac Efron [laughter].
It is! It’s definitely Zac Efron’s fault. He came into my home, and burnt food, and it was rude of him.
I just checked. It’s 181 days long! I didn’t realize we’d been doing it that long.
That’s incredible! Congratulations to you both.
I mean, it’s-its nothing, my longest streak is almost 1500 days.
And I will also say that, like not every one of those days that I take my meds, I have definitely cheated. So…
I’ve taken my meds every day because sometimes I don’t remember to be like, wait, I didn’t get a snack today. Sometimes I do remember, and I bully her.
It’s not very strictly enforced. I can really get away with not taking my meds [laughter]
The reason that I knew you hadn’t done it today was because I looked at Snapchat and I saw that you hadn’t even opened mine, And I was like, okay.
I know because I always leave the notification on to remind myself, but then I was in a five-hour work meeting and I didn’t feel like taking my pills in the middle of a war.
Take your meds!
In the morning!
I wouldn’t…I don’t. [Laughter]
Everything that you’re saying, I’m like, yes! Ahan. Absolutely can relate.
Basically my job as her friend is to bully her into taking meds
My meds sit here on my desk that I sit out for like eight hours a day. So do my pill bottles. So is there anything from keeping me from doing it? It’s not fun or tasty, but I just don’t feel like it.
Fair. I can’t-We can’t judge you for that! [Laughter]
I mean, what’s a girl to do. So yeah, that’s basically, um, it- I definitely had like a lot of anxiety struggles in college, and they were pretty linked to like figuring out my sexuality because for me, my demi sexuality gets very linked with like my anxiety and what triggers my anxiety attacks. So that was difficult to figure out and figure out what was going on.
The second day I knew her, she puked in a Chipotle bathroom.
I did, starting college was very stressful. Sarah has seen me vomit a lot.
I think that one of the first times we hung out, it was… breaking into a building at 3:00 AM-
And then you painted your face with acrylic paints. So, we’re all in good company!
Sometimes you must do things that way.
There was so much context that you left out! How rude! [laughter].
You don’t need context.
I was going to go paint her set!
She was, she was doing me a favor. That is important context [laughter].
I mean, either way, I love it. [Laughter]
I didn’t just like break into an art classroom and steal their acrylic paint and just like dump it on my face!
I wouldn’t have been mad at you if you did though, [laughter]. Like if that was the case, I would still support you [laughter]
My… [laughter]. My journey with mental health. So, the first thing I was properly diagnosed with was ADHD, but it wasn’t until I was in college. I was 18, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, which I know is-
Are you sure though?
Pretty common for a lot of women, I was 18 yeah.
Cause I was listening to early episodes-
Are you gaslighting me?
I am! Because [laughter] we love to gaslight here. I was listening to early episodes of our podcast and you, in one of them were like, “I don’t like have a diagnosed mental illness, but I definitely have one.” And I was like, “Yeah, you definitely have ADHD.” And we were like, “Ha ha, yeah”. So, like you hadn’t been diagnosed yet, and you were above 18 in 2017. Do you feel gaslit in this call tonight?
Yeah, I do feel gaslit! I thought it was freshman year because sophomore year I was in Germany
It was not.
It was second semester! It was cold out. And I was in Germany second semester, sophomore year. So, it had to be freshman year unless, it was like December.
It doesn’t matter, the timeline doesn’t matter.
I don’t think you were diagnosed in freshman year.
The great thing about ADHD is time’s not real for us. So-
Time is not real, at all.
You’re so valid!
So, I was in [laughter]. So, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in college. I had known for a little while at that point that I had ADHD-
We all knew.
My- [laughter], my mom feels really bad because she’s a special ED teacher. And so, she was like, “Why didn’t I see it?” Like, “Why didn’t I know when you were younger?” And she like, feels weirdly guilty about that. And I’m like, it’s not your fault. Cause like I did gymnastics growing up, and so I did so much exercise all the time, and that basically helped regulate my brain, and also my time. Like I had, I had limited time to do my homework, and limited time to do whatever, and so it forced me to actually do it. And so, like I had a forced schedule, and like the exercise helped with the ADHD.
And then once I stopped doing that, was when things started getting a little… you know, struggly. So, I was diagnosed at some point, unclear when. Also, everyone in my family is mentally ill, I don’t know. I don’t- I don’t mean that in like a, my whole family is sick way I-
The more I think about it, the more positive I am that you were diagnosed our junior year.
I’m like pretty positive. Because you started taking meds, you weren’t on the correct dosage. It wasn’t-
I didn’t start taking meds right away though. I got diagnosed and I didn’t start taking meds right away. It was while in between when I got to it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter. That’s not the point of this podcast.
I was eventually also diagnosed with depression, and apparently anxiety. I’ve been informed recently that I’m more anxious than I think I am. So… that’s my life. I don’t know that’s a really anticlimactic ending.
It answered the question though so yeah.
It did yeah.
Thank you for that. And uh, you’re, again in good company because, the anxiety and depression cups are overflowed with it as well.
Oh yeah, my ADHD cup and my depression cup, like to just feed each other. It’s fun.
Don’t they just do that?
It’s like one of those weird little like oil and vinegar, for things where they’re like in each other, but not.
Yeah, it’s fun.
Like where they put like food coloring and dyes in it to make it look cool? Are you thinking about like the bubbly-?
Like a lava lamp?
Oh, lava lamps are very cool.
No! But I like that better.
I recently bought a lava lamp because I’m an adult, um, I’m just very excited about it [laughter].
My mental illness is a lava lamp [laughter].
Is what we’ve gathered.
Yes! That’s such a beautiful metaphor, and the fact that it’s nice to just think about watching a lava lamp.
Okay, cool. Cool, cool [laughter]. This is what I deal with
The ADHD energy in this podcast is astounding and I love it.
That’s literally like, wrangling three Sarahs and I… am obsessed with it.
Kayla you’re a saint.
You’re welcome to the pod!
Wow. Both of your stories, right? I’m like, Oh yeah, that’s very relatable. But then Sarah, when you’re like, “I did gymnastics and athletics really helped keep me sort of structured and gave my brain a lot to focus on”. And like, I did competitive dance and then the same sort of thing happened where I was like, what do I do? What do I do with my body? And what do I do with my brain? And then in college, people are like, here’s some alcohol, and a lot of stress have fun!.
Yeah, no, I had the same experience too. Cause I was, as you can probably guess by the everything about me, a huge theater nerd. And so that was just like, they’re at school till 10 o’clock. There wasn’t time… [laughter] to have ADHD, I guess.
Yeah. It’s amazing how that scheduled.
Well cause like I was- I was a high-achieving kid, and then also very busy. And so it’s like, your choices are you either do your homework right now. Or you don’t do your homework, and for me not doing your homework was not an option. So, it was like, “I gotta do it now.” and then what happened was I ended up having to quit gymnastics the summer before my senior year of high school because I stress fractured my back too many times!
And [laughter] multiple times.
So, you weren’t kidding when you “Sarah had broken her back a couple times.”
It was not a joke.
My back is very messed up, but. So, I had to quit like right before senior year. And so I was suddenly like, “What do I do with my life?” I was applying to colleges, and so I was super stressed out about that. And I remember at one point, like I was not working on my college apps and like I knew I had to, when my parents were like, you need to do like- and I was like, I know, but I can’t. And so I remember just like on the floor in the family room with my parents, just like in the fetal position crying! Because I was like-
I can visualize this so clearly.
“I can’t do my college apps!”
I can visualize this so clearly because there was so many of these situations in college with like Sarah needing to do her homework, that looked the exact same. Just like laying in our dorm room, just being like, “I know I have to, but I cant!”
And my parents were like, I don’t know what to do with this, this has never happened before.
But hey! Look, I got into college, I have a degree, its fine.
Yeah! There you go!
Oh yeah! We made it through. God, at what costs, but yeah,
Uh, do you mind if I ask? Do you, uh, know… what type of ADHD you have?
I have inattentive ADHD.
Hey! one of me! One of me. I was gonna say us, but nah. She has combined type, so.
I found that interesting when I was diagnosed, because I really thought that I had the hyperactivity… part of it. And then they were like, “No you don’t.” And I was like “Hmm. Okay, sure. Thanks doc.” And then I never thought about it again, but now you’re making me think about it again and now I’m just… considering my life.
Are you- Are you going to be, okay? You good?
I’m gonna be fine, I’m gonna be fine.
Cool, cool, cool. Sorry to, uh, inspire a ADHD themed crisis for you.
We love a crisis. It’s 2021 baby!
You get a crisis, you get a crisis, and everybody gets a crisis!
It’s just the-
[Sings], Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. You know that song? The one in the TikToks. One of- [Laughter].
No idea what you’re talking about right now! [Laughter].
You know the one TikToks song. Okay, there’s several Tik TOK songs obviously. But like the one that’s like, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, like. No? Anyone?
It’s like the depression theme. This is really great audio for you guys to probably put your headphones on as I’m just like, “dooting”
I’m getting it like clean and crisp right into the ears.
Well, the other problem is that I keep starting to sing it and then there’s a slight lag so I can hear it coming back, and then it’s throwing off the whole melody for me. So I can’t even give you guys an accurate sort of.
You’re doing your best, and I admire you for that.
Thank you! I’m in hell.
I also like how you [inaudible].
At the beginning of this, you were like, “We don’t want to keep you too long. Like hopefully it’ll be an hour.” And it’s like, we’ve gotten through one question. The ADHD- it’s okay. I’m technically at work, but nothing urgent is happening. I can stay as long as you want me [laughter].
Okay. Do we want to do a second question?
Oh, dare we?
I mean, how many questions do we even have?
Uh, let’s give it a try, let’s dip our toe in. What is it like to have a bestie slash co-host with ADHD? Um, and how do you think that changes the ways you two work together?
I’m very interested in Kayla’s answer to this question.
I texted her that earlier and she goes,” Yeah, I actually have an answer prepared because there’s a specific way I deal with you.” And I was like, “What?”
Oh, that’s like, not what I wrote. First of all, it makes it seem way worse than it is [laughter]. But listen, this is something I’ve thought about before, because there is a very specific way that I have to interact with Sarah, when I know we need to get things done. So, Sarah and I were roommates all through college. So, we lived together for four years, and we’ve been friends for like what? like five or six years at this point.
A lifetime. So like I know Sarah very well, and I like watched her struggle through school, and like trying to be productive and get things done. But, so there is a v- like, I have to be very mindful when I want to work with Sarah on like podcast things, and when I know it’s time to be productive. And I also, I’m someone that is very influenced by other people’s emotions. Like if someone else is angry or stressed, I’m going to get angry or stressed. So in a work setting, Sarah will get very stressed and overwhelmed, which often makes me feel overwhelmed.
It’s very easy to stress me out.
Yeah. So, I have to like, be in a correct mood, to like often go into like productive work settings that I know will stress Sarah out, because I know one of us needs to be not stressed. We- I don’t- I think the biggest thing is like, I’m trying to figure out how to phrase this. Sarah needs to be in a specific mood to get things done.
Like I can sense when Sarah is like, not going to be productive. Like, when I was sending you a bunch of manic texts earlier today? Yeah. But like, recently we’ve gotten into thinking of like scheduling, like business meetings. And then, I will like write out like a to-do list of like, “Here are the things we need to get done in this meeting.” And I think it’s like, things like that of just like, “I need to create structure for us.” This all seems like very patronizing, but I just like-
Hey, where’s my mom.
But like I- that’s just-
[Alarm starts beeping] [laughter].
It sounds like Zac Efron has strong feelings about that.
Zac Efron is mad about the way I interact with Sarah.
I don’t like- I don’t know how to put it into words. There’s just like a certain vibe that needs to be cultivated.
To get Sarah to do things, I don’t know!
I think you’ve also learned from past situations. Like if I am very stressed and overwhelmed-
A cat! [Laughter]
Sorry, we’re being shown a cat that we must look at.
That’s root beer. She’s sleeping.
Aw! She just curled up like a little baby!
Oh my God. That is sleeping on the other chair on your other side.
Oh my God!
I’m so sorry, I just- [Laughter], no, I appreciate cat content.
Are you having fun stretching your skills today, Kayla?
Yeah, uhhh… Admittedly, I have no idea what I was saying. Kayla, what was I saying? [Laughter]
I’ve learned from past situations.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! So, I feel like you have learned from past situations with me of like… what works, and what doesn’t in terms of like getting me to do things?
Like, yeah. I like- I think any people that have been friends for that long, is the same case, it’s not like, because Sarah has ADHD, but I think Sarah having ADHD just presents like unique situations.
I’m thinking of a very specific incident where like your attempts to try and get me to do something were not working. And we were both very frustrated and like, it hasn’t happened since.
And when was this?
It was when I was trying to finish bloom.
There is a specific incident where you were very displeased that I hadn’t finished it, and I was also very displeased, but I hadn’t finished it. And you expressing your displeasure that I hadn’t finished was not helping.
Yeah, no yeah.
So… [Laughter], but you don’t do that anymore.
No. More tactfully, I think- I yeah prompt you.
You’re- you’re better about the way that you approach it.
So it sounds like there’s been a bit of a learning curve there.
Like I said, I think there is with like any friends that are going to like… business together, but yeah.
I think like, especially with us both being mentally ill, and like pretty sensitive people that yeah. It does make for a learning curve.
Jee! Can’t relate to that at all!
Yeah, that’s super uh, out of our wheelhouse. No, no [inaudible].
Cause we have our friend relationship and also what’s basically a professional relationship at this point, like-
We are technically legally bound to one another in-
We’re business partners.
We’re-we’re businesswomen, we share a bank account! So, like, there’s kind of like a difference in the way that we have to interact with each other, from one to the other. And a lot of times those bleed together, but like there has to be a line somewhere.
It’s very odd. Like Sarah and I’s relationship, honestly, like the amount of time I spend talking to Sarah and like doing things with her is like the same amount of time I spend with my boyfriend at this point, I feel like, and we live together me and my boyfriend. Sarah is just like my second boyfriend at this point.
That’s a really special galentine to have with someone you can share a bank account with. So, congratulations to you both!
That’s very romantic [laughter].
And I can always tell, like sometimes I will send her many, many texts in a row about various things. And I can usually tell if she’s just ignoring me, or if she’s actually doing something else by, I’ll ask a pod related question. And if she answers that, then I know that she’s there, and she was just ignoring me.
So, when she’s sending me that many texts in the row, there’s just like, not much I can do, and I think you need to respect that.
But sometimes it’s just like a test. It’s like, “Hmm. Is she there?”
I have my read receipts on.
That’s very bold, that’s bold. I could never- no.
So Jordan just knows right away.
If I’m like “No.” [Laughter]
Constant crafting around out of it. I mean, I’ve had to figure out a lot of ways to deal with you, but luckily that’s not one of them.
The face Lex just made, I just- you just need your listeners to know.
Well, that’s really neat to hear though, and it sounds like it kind of goes both ways with you guys, like figuring out how to work with each other and some of that’s ADHD related, but a lot of it’s just you guys being you.
Well, I’m sure I’, not a treat to work with, you know. I- I’m sure Sarah has had to figure out many tactics for working with me also.
Yeah. Well as you said earlier, like how, like if I’m gonna to be very stressed about something like you have to make sure you’re not like. I feel like we’re pretty good at being balanced in that sense? Like I remember one time recently, I literally asked you, I was like, [laughter]. I was like, are you in the mental state to support me for me to be pessimistic [laughter]. About something podcast related, and you were like “Yes.” And I was like “Wow.”
One of us needs to be one of us needs to be the pessimist, and one needs to be the optimist, and one of us needs to be okay.
And its- the pessimist is usually you.
It’s usually me.
I wouldn’t call myself an optimist, but like, I’m definitely more realistic than pessimistic?
You’re like less pessimistic than I am.
And you like lean in the pessimistic direction. And so I was like, are you prepared to take the optimistic stance?
It was very, I like had no idea what you were going to say after that too, I thought it was going to be something like super serious. And then it like…was not even at all.
Didn’t even remember what it was.
I-I remembered that I did it, but I have no idea what we were talking about.
Well, it was- we went on the podcast “Query”-
Which is like, a very big podcast. And so when it was like going to air the next day, Sarah was like, “What if it’s really bad?” And I was like, “I don’t think that’s gonna to happen.” Like, they wouldn’t have had us on, or like aired it, if it was that bad.
What if we sound stupid!
Speaker 5 (00:29:42):
I mean I’m sure we did, but… you know.
That’s for you to decide! listen to our episode of “Query” and let us know if we sound stupid!
We’ll drop a link to it on the-on the tweets, and the twitter verse.
On the tweets.
On the tweets.
You know, the bird website.
Birds aren’t real.
Um, birds are not real.
Cannot emphasize that enough.
Not real. I do love them though.
But they are robots.
Did a whole segment on that, love Corvids! Anyways-
That does Segway into the next question that we have like a little bit more-
The entire rest of the conversation we had before that.
I don’t recall.
Great. But like in a more internal sense of working with each other, how would you say that your orientation, and mental health, uh, affect you as creators and artists?
I think, for me… I’m a writer in addition to- I mean my real job, I’m an assistant, is my real job. But like [laughter]. Then I got my podcasting side gig, and like also I’m trying to-trying to write, and I feel like I was constantly told in college, you know, “You have to write every day, you have to have discipline, you have to do this, you have to.” And like, that was not helpful to me, because that was not realistic to me. I can’t wake up early every morning and just be like, “I’m gonna write three pages now.” Like that is not doable, and so I think I have definitely had to deal with that in the sense of like trying to still… write and do… work, and stuff, and kind of create a certain, like a little bit of structure for myself? But like, having a super strict structure is not, it doesn’t work for me. And so I’ve definitely had to like toe that line of like, how do I be productive in this, while also respecting the fact that my brain is not gonna just sit and write for five hours straight every day at the same time. So that’s been fun.
Yeah! Have you had any luck with that? or like figured out things that have worked for you better?
I think for me, it’s just a lot of it has been accepting that it is okay to not write every day, or not write on a certain schedule, or cause like that’s the advice everyone gives you. And like, I understand why they gave you that advice. It makes sense. But understanding that for me, that’s just not realistic and that’s not going to benefit me, has been very helpful. And obviously like I’m not at a point in my life where I can write full time. I don’t know what it would look like if I did do that. But like it’s… I dunno. I think- I think just for me, it’s just been like accepting that like, okay, the advice that everyone gives it can’t apply to me, and like, that’s fine. You just have to figure out how to do it your own way, how to make your brain agree with it.
That’s great. I have heard the same advice so much, and also had a very similar struggle of just like, yeah, I can’t do that. I sat here, and I tried and I stared at a page for two hours, so yeah.
Like, I’m very like deadline-driven, and so if someone’s just like, “You need to write at 9:00 AM for three hours.” it’s like-
I’m gonna-I’m gonna [laughter] end up on Instagram.
There’s this- [laughter]
Like, I just can’t [laughter].
Yeah. I think that’s the thing about being mentally ill is that the things that people say that’s supposed to work for everyone. It’s like, that’s simply not going to work for me. My brain don’t do that.
I don’t know for me, I think for both of us like depression has been a big struggle, especially lately with content creating. Like times have been tough, and we both deal with depression anyway. So I think Sarah and I have been more prone to depression like lately especially, and getting yourself to podcast when you are depressed is not fun. [Laughter], Lex’s face is like “Me!”
There are some days, where there is a market difference between how we sound talking to each other when we’re recording, versus how we sound immediately before or immediately after.
It is insane.
Like if people saw like the transitioning, they would be like, “Are you okay?” And we would be like, “No.” but we’re very good at faking it.
No, it’s literally, like, I remember this one time, like, especially Sarah was having like a really hard time, but we needed to record. So we recorded, Sarah put on her voice, like it was fine. And then, you know, you’re like tired after, cause you’re like putting on a face for like an hour or whatever. And then, afterwards Sarah was like, why do I feel even more depressed now? Because she had like forgotten, forgot- what? I forgot how you said it, but you like had forgotten that you were depressed before you started faking it, and so then it like hit you even harder after. I can’t remember how you said it
And also, it was just- it was just exhausting to have had to do that. And like that just made it worse
I think it’s similar to like. Like the term I hear for people with like autism is like, masking of like.
I know what you mean.
I forget what the word is.
Just like pretending to be neuro-typical.
Yeah. Basically. I hear that a lot with people on the autism spectrum, especially. But it’s like today when I was in my five-hour work meeting, I had to like… have a face on and like, actively listen. I couldn’t just like, lay around in my office. So I think like, things like that with an audio medium or a visual meeting items, especially like when we’re writing our book, we can both be sitting there, very depressed working on our dumb book. Um… it’s not dumb, but like with things like the podcast, it’s like. “Okay, like we have to just do it well.”
And I think that is to, uh, benefit of us having known each other so well before we started this. I mean, cause the way me and Kayla became friends, like we shared a room, that’s how we met each other. And so, like you learn a lot about them very quickly because we, we knew each other so well going in, and we knew what it was like. Like we are comfortable like showing each other, like the depression f it all. And like, we don’t have to put on that facade with each other. It’s just like when we’re recording, or like that sort of thing.
It’s like kind of what I was talking about with working with each other and knowing like how to get each other to do things. We’ve both seen the worst- like Sarah has seen me vomit so many times, I’ve seen Sarah like curled up in the middle of the night, trying to get her homework done. We have seen the worst. So, it’s like, it’s whatever.
Yeah. We- we also live together. So yeah, that rings loud and clear.
I am just gonna like move over here.
It’s me, I can see me.
Just so, we can see root beer while we have just this space-
Aww, a lick! Like a tiny lick.
A lickeroo oh my god.
Yeah, she’s a snuggle bug.
Well, she’s like jumping a little bit, but it’s fine. Okay. Sorry. I… tried to at least give a verbal warning that time. For just like being like “Look at my cat!”. That’s all really relatable. We have very similar, uh, everything.
So, bestie vibes only!
Bestie vibes only! That’s uh-that might have to be the episode title.
[inaudible] Bestie vibes only!
That’s what we’re here to do.
Zac Efron get your rancid vibes outta here!
Mhmm get them out.
Fire alarms, starting vibes [laughter].
So next question… [silence] I forgot how to read for a second there.
It happens to the best of us! It really does
[Laughter] It happens to the best of us.
It really does.
How do you think ADHD affects the way that you connect with other people generally, and build the other relationships in your life?
So, I wrote down a couple notes for some of these questions, and for this one, what I wrote was two words and it says “I’m annoying.” [Laughter].
Like it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You know? Like I just like, I-I accept that I can be a lot sometimes. And like it’s also like, I’m also an introvert. So like, it’s like a weird a push and pull, but like it’s just, I care about… certain things, I have my hyper fixations that I get very excited about and I’m very passionate about them, and… sometimes I’m going to be annoying about them, and that’s just… the way it is!
There’s this is why there is so many texts of Sarah’s that I will ignore for a time, is because they’re often a string of texts about her hyper fixation that I know nothing about and that she just needs to tell me.
And I’m not like mad at her for doing that, but I’m not going to like, stop what I’m doing to answer that right way.
Yeah like, when you don’t answer me, I never assume you’re like- I never assume you’re angry, which is good. Because like I could come to that conclusion if you were someone else. But because its you-
You come to that conclusion [inaudible].
I’m like “But she’s just ignoring everyone else. Literally everyone else, except for [inaudible],-
She’s just ignoring me again. I didn’t think I experienced RSD until about a month ago. And now I see it everywhere.
Sometimes Sarah will just text me and be like, “This person did this. They hate me.”
I was like, “My pharmacy keeps telling me to pick up my prescription and I can’t pick it up for several days. The pharmacists are going to be so mad at me!” And Kayla was like “No they’re not!” I was like, I’m sorry sir but they don’t care about you. They didn’t even fill one of my prescriptions!
Well, there you go. Why is that a conversation that we’ve had verbatim of like-like you’ll being like, “I’m pretty sure that they’re going to be upset about this.” And me saying something along the lines of like, “They literally do not even think about you.”
They don’t know you exist [laughter], and they don’t give a shit.
To quote one, Alexis Rose.” Nobody’s thinking about you the way you’re thinking about you.”
So, Amen. And what’s interesting is that like early in our friendship- Well, always in our friendship and it always in my life. I’m like very worried about people hating me. That’s something that like, when we were like directing a musical together, Sarah had to like have conversations with me, with of like, “Okay, you’re in charge of these people, some of them are going to hate you.” And now it’s just-
I didn’t say they’re going to hate you! I said, they’re not all gonna to love you! [Laughter]
But you understand what I was saying? But now it’s like me-
This is what Kayla’s brain does. It just, it says, “Oh, they don’t- they’re not obsessed with me. They must hate me.”
Okay but it’s also what your brain does. Okay b****. Here’s what we’re discovering, is that you also have the same thing.
I think what the difference is, is you tend to think that generally, you just think that people hate you. Like on a broader scale. I make a tiny mistake, and I assume they hate me because of that. Like I- I assume they’re mad at me because of that. Like for me, it’s usually like spurred by a specific thing. Whereas for you, it’s just like, they hate me.
Whereas for me, I’m just a depressed hoe.
We really are all in this together huh?
We’re just all the same, one human.
That does actually kind of answered the next question on the list, which was more for you, Kayla, of what advice would you have for somebody who wants to connect with someone with ADHD? Like from the outside perspective, but I think you kind of nailed it. So did you have anything else you want to add?
I actually wrote a thing about this that I could add, but I- if Kayla has anything to say. I would like you to go first.
How to connect with someone who has ADHD?
I think it’s just like… patience, I guess? Honestly, if I could sum up like my side of Sarah and I’s work relationship, it’s patience.
I’m testing our patience constantly. [Laughter]
Yeah. But I think just like patience with the other person, and with yourself of like, it’s going to take time to like, understand what makes this person tick and to like, be able to like, understand what’s going on. If they’re like having an, especially like ADHD day or something like that. And then just like not getting mad at them for like, not working the same way you do, I guess.
Yeah. I mean, I wrote down a small manifesto as I want to do sometimes.
Yeah. Like the thing that I was just thinking about when I saw this question, I was, I was like, sometimes you just have to like smile and nod and like… that’s fine. Like that doesn’t have to be a bad thing? Kind of like the whole- like when I saw was annoying earlier, like it can be a neutral thing. [Laughter] What was that?
I mean, this in the most loving way possible of like, sometimes I have to like deal with Sarah as if she’s like, an excited child. And I know this sounds very patronizing, but sometimes Sarah is just like acting up, as if a child and I have to just like let her have her moment.
Sometimes you got to let it out!
You just need to let me send you 20 consecutive texts, and then answer three hours later with just the lowercase letter “o”. [Laughter]
I am of joy with you right now!
That’s even harsher than leaving your read receipts on I feel like! Oh my God.
Okay but like what did you send me?
I did the same thing to her though.
20 texts, about 20 different things. Like, what am I su-?
It’s never the same- it’s always like at least five different-
My genuine reaction to that is just “Oh.” Like that’s my genuine reaction, its just like. “Oh, oh my!”
I mean like what am I to do? [Laughter]
That goes along though with what I wanted to say about this was cause like you- You can appreciate and respect an ADHD’ers passions, and hyper fixations and whatever, without necessarily sharing interest in them. Like I have another friend who is not Kayla. Shocking, I know that I have more than one friend. [Laughter]. But I have another friend.
I don’t. I sure don’t.
I have no idea what that’s like. It’s just Jordan, that’s it. Just kidding, I have lots of friends.
But we- we both have our current-
I loved the defensiveness there [laughter].
Like we both like have our current obsessions and she doesn’t even have ADHD. She just, you know, cares about things a lot. And neither of us is like actively into the other person’s obsession, but we’d like talk about them to each other. We just like have a mutual respect for each other’s passions. And we like encourage each other’s fan girling. And so like, I’ve learned a bunch of random shit about this TV show that she loves, and she’s learned a bunch of random shit about K-pop. And like, I don’t ever plan on watching that TV show that she’s into. And like, I don’t expect her to get into K-pop, but we just like give each other the space to like, love and appreciate things without shame or fear of being judged. And like, you know, that the person on the other end might not totally understand exactly what you’re feeling, but like they know the sentiment, like they get what’s going on. And that’s nice. And I think obviously if you have ADHD, you’re not gonna to have that relationship with everyone you know. But if you want to have like a real deep connection with someone who has ADHD, that’s just something to be like, sometimes you’re going to have to smile and nod and it’s, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Like it can just be like, yes, I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about, but I support you in this. [Laughter] Tell me more.
That’s that’s fantastic. You know.
That’s my manifesto.
That’s beautiful, and I really wish that when people said like friends with benefits, they were just talking about that, like a mutual hyper fixation friend. Think the world would be a better place if that’s what that meant. Cause that’s like-
Whether or not you have the same hyper fixation, or like for awhile, my hyper fixation was “Schitt’s Creek” and this friend… Um, also watched Schitt’s Creek, but she wasn’t into it to the same extent as me, but it was fine. It was an-
And then I watched it six months later.
And then I finally got Kayla to watch it approximately, 75 years later-
Here’s the thing though-
After it was no longer my hyper fixation.
But here the thing is like, you texted me about it so much that it felt like I can’t jump in right now. There’s too much going on with it. I can’t join now, it would be too much. You know what I mean? It would’ve been too much energy
No, no. I’m so sorry I don’t-
I’m over here like yeah, yeah. I get that. You have to like set aside the time to be ready for it.
Well, that’s the thing with me I get very picky.
It seems like you were just not doing it out of spite. [Laughter]
No! This is tough, like I get very particular about like when I can get into a new thing.
Like I will like have a fandom or a TV show or whatever that’s just sitting there, and for whatever reason in my mind, I’m like, “I’m too busy to become obsessed with this.” And so like with things like Schitt’s Creek, I would be like, “I can’t do this right now.” Like I’m not mentally there right now.
I do get that aspect of it because like as someone who wants to go into TV writing, I never watch TV. I get so overwhelmed. By like, I have to watch a whole show, even if it’s like eight, half-hour episodes. I’m like, that’s too many. I’m gonna have to dedicate my life to this show. And like, I do get that aspect of it. Um-
It’s so much!
That makes so much sense!
The people are always like-
Monsters for content, so.
I feel like you watch it and kind of filter it for me, and then I’m just like… I can pick two of those things. I have the energy for two of those things. [Laughter]
See that’s the thing too though, there is things that I like don’t have to take in cause Sarah does it for me. Like when we lived together, she was really into “Agents of Shield.” And I would just like,
I still haven’t watched the last season.
Yeah it s-
Because it was no longer- it ceased to be my hyper fixation [laughter].
Right? Yes. Like she would watch it every week in our dorm room, and I would like leave the room and go do homework. Like while she watched TV, and then I would come back into the room and she would lay out the entire episode for me. And then she was like, “Why won’t you watch it with me?” And I would be like, “What’s the point, you- I don’t need to. Like, you’re here doing it for me.” And then I see everything you blog on- I wasn’t like watching it by myself either, like there was no need-Like I didn’t need to be there, but then like, I would see your reblogs on tumbler. So I got all of that content. I got your episode, got the highlights. I shipped your ship because I was like, yes, from what you’ve told me, this seems good. I will accidentally read fanfic about it on Tumblr because I come across it, because you’ve read blogged it. And now I’m just reading it cause I’m invested for some reason. But I will not be watching the show with you.
That sounds like a really efficient way to do it honestly.
My approach to content is like, Oh, I’ve been meaning to watch the movie ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’
For over a year now.
I still haven’t watched.
I have had access to it for over a year, even before it was on Hulu. My friend dealt me a bootleg link of ‘Portrait of A Lady on Fire’. It is only a two hour movie, I have yet to watch this movie because, I’m just like, I need to be in the right mindset.
I’m just like “I’m not ready. I’m not ready.” I was like, two hours? That seems too long. And then last night I stayed up at least two hours too late watching videos of BTS members as vines. So, look.
Humans are complex creatures you know?
Yeah, no, this is the duality of man or whatever.
Yeah. I will say like, I am probably a bit of a cookie monster about content for real. Cause like, even if it’s something kind of hard or emotional or like traumatic, I’ll still probably just be like, ‘Y’all all right.’ Like a couple months ago I was like, I want to watch a movie that I’ve seen before, that I can kind of like chill, you know, and just like maybe do some art or whatever. And then I was like, what should I watch? And then I just turned on Midsummer.
Why the f***.
That was my question! I mean, I personally cannot do movies like that. I- it truly f***s me up from the inside out. I just can’t imagine watching that for leisure.
Yeah. I’ve been training for this kind of thing since I was like, a wee lass. Cause my older siblings are way older than me, and when I was like three or four years old, they showed me the Jurassic park movies. They showed me ‘Beetle Juice’. They made me watch the ‘Ghost and The Darkness’, which is a movie about man-eating lions.
I watched the ‘Green Mile’, when I was like seven.
And that’s why I’m really glad that I have you, so that you can watch all of those things and be like, Jordan, this would, as you said, Kayla “Ruin you from the inside out.”
Yeah, oh wow. I’m like looking back. And there was a thing that I would do in high school, is I would just go down in the basement at my parents’ house and queue up so many DVDs, and watch all of them all in one day, and just like cry to them. Like I would watch like ‘Moulin Rouge’, ‘Atomic Memoirs of a Geisha’ and then like follow it all up with ‘Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging’ to like, lighten the mood.
[Laughter] Oh my God.
Well, I think I’ve just kind of always been like this
Then there’s me who watched the ‘Christmas Story’ as a child and is afraid of that movie and has not watched it in a year.
A Christmas story is a staple in our family.
It terrified me! The house we lived in
The-it’s the movie where they’re like, “I’ll shoot your eyes out.” and he like gets his tongue stuck to the pole.
Ow! Sorry. For some reason I was thinking of-
I cannot even watch-
That’s like the Muppets?
No, that’s very good. Especially the Muppet’s version. We can all agree that’s the best version.
I cannot watch ‘A Christmas Story’ Yeah.
‘A Christmas Story’ is very important in my family, in the house we lived in, in college. It was also important to several other people in the house.
I left the house once.
And Kayla- Kayla refused to watch it.
I once left the entire house, and went elsewhere because they were watching-
Cause we were watching a PG rated Christmas movie.
It traumatized me so much!
Shoot your eye out kid!
That- okay. That just like, it’s burned into my eyeballs, the visual of him, like getting his tongue stuck to the like flagpole or whatever. That’s very scary!
That. Just that [inaudible]
Something to think about. If that happened to you, how upset you would be.
I’m very upset right now. [Laughter]
What about the-
[inaudible] Dumb and Dumber.
What about the part where the creepy Santa like pushes him down the slide. Did that bother you?
I don’t remember the full moon-
Okay, you were so scarred by the beginning that you didn’t get the whole thing.
Hey, I watched the whole thing, but I was like young, and I don’t remember it, and I’m sure it’s not actually scary, but I- I just can’t do it.
When I was little. I was afraid of the scene in the ‘Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ where he’s- where Snoopy is fighting with the chair. Me and my sister were afraid of that.
I was also afraid of the, ‘The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown’, where he’s pretending to be a world war one fighter pilot.
Did you wake up today and choose violence? Like just-
I wake up and I choose violence.
This part did this, did this part [inaudible]
This is the relationship we have, this isn’t what I’m saying.
Um, she refuses to watch ‘Stick it With Me’. So, you know-
I watched it with you-
And it was one time I didn’t want to watch it. And I have watched it with her before and got her a ‘Stick It’ poster. We don’t need to do this.
Look, I have a film degree. So, I can objectively really say that that is the best movie ever made.
You’re so right!
Wholeheartedly seconded and thirded from the parkour team
Oh my God! Missy pair groom and the ice bath!
Here’s when the few times where Sarah’s great love and hyper fixation of something makes me not like it because-
It’s not Hyper fixation its just-
Yeah, but you are so annoying about your love of ‘Stick It’. That it brings me joy to tell you it’s not good because it’s fun. [Laughter]
Yeah, I have some other friends who also refuse to watch it with me because they think it’s funny.
It is funny.
True, true. Just tell me now. I think part of the reason I’ve doubled down on it so much is because you have refused, so it’s just-
I’m sure. I think it’s really- this is what I used to do with my boyfriend Dean. He was like, I” love Popeye’s.” And I was like, “Popeye’s is shit a restaurant.” It’s not, I like it very much. And so for like a very long time in our relationship, I would just constantly shit on Popeye’s because I just thought it was very funny.
You know? I guess if you don’t have a homemade Hill to die on, store bought is fine, but now I need to know Sarah. What movie do you love to hate, to piss off Kayla?
Oh! I have the answer.
No! it’s not ‘The Princess Bride’. I liked ‘The Princess Bride’. I liked them. Okay. I had never seen
And I watched it with Kayla and some of our other friends in college, and I made some mild criticisms, you know, film major. I had some things to say, I never said I didn’t like the movie. I do like the movie. And because-
It is a perfect movie! There are zero critiques to give to the movie. By critiquing it at all. You are disrespecting the film, and that is something you don’t understand!
And so, Kayla is-
What have you done.
What have you done?
[Inaudible] break up the podcast right now!
At least like every other week Sarah and I break up the podcast, and I think this is what has done it this week. It’s over Sarah.
I mean, I canceled you live on the podcast, on the last podcast apparently. And I didn’t know until someone in our discord reminded me, and I didn’t even remember why I had canceled her. So, this is the dynamic
Circling back, just a little. Um, Sarah. If you ever want to watch ‘Stick It’, I’m here.
We can- we should just-
I will- I would jump on that opportunity.
We can- we can do a double feature. We can do ‘Stick It’ and ‘Princess Bride’ and then no one’s happy!
You know how well those movies go together! [Laughter]
The classics back-to-back.
Uh, we seem- we seem to have touched a little bit of a nerve there. So sorry about that.
It’s all interest.
That’s- I feel like it kinda does balance though, because later we’re going to do the dopamine trampoline and ask for, like basically what your juice is. So, I guess this was kind of the B -pectrum. So, it balances out.
Sarah and I have only had like three disagreements in our entire friendship, and none of them have been serious.
Like when we say disagreements, we mean like on a very basic level. We argue about the like- they’re all stupid things.
One of them is, is there a true center to the universe? You know what? I’ll tell you what they all are. Is there a center of the universe? Is one. Another one is, can an eight-year-old be-
Can an eight-year-old be evil.
Yes. Next question.
And the third one is about the treatment of books. [Laughter].
Here’s the thing. I’m a very argumentative person. So I’m just going to, like-
We have considered doing like a full episode of our podcast. Like just having a debate on all three. Hasn’t happened.
But it has nothing to do with.
It has nothing to do with anything. And I’m also afraid because I’ve- because people are going to disagree with me, and I’m going to be mad at them.
Yeah. It’s also very important to us that if the children, which is what we call our listeners, if our listeners have a favorite, we mustn’t know who it is. We don’t want to know.
I have been-
I’ve been stressed for uh three years about Sarah [laughter]. Just more me thinking everyone hates me- In my mind. I’m like, “Sarah’s obviously the favorite.” And so, I just don’t want to know.
Well, and it’s like. We do poll every week for our podcast and we have very intentionally avoided any poll that pits me and Kayla against each other.
I don’t wanna know. I can’t do that to myself.
Yeah. Like obviously our podcast is quite a bit smaller than y’all’s, and younger at this point. Um-
A little baby podcasts!
But that’s like definitely good advice, and something we should probably also do, going into the future. But then I’m also like, “But I want to know.”
I feel like the thing is, the little gremlin, the little gremlin in my mind is like, “Ooh, yes.” Tell me who your favorite is! And then I’m like, I literally would die if I knew that information. Either way, the answer is bad.
Either way it’s bad because either it’s like, Oh, like I’m not the favorite. Or it’s like, you feel guilty because you’re the favorite.
I feel like I’d be mad if it was me. Cause I’d be like, “Hell no! My best friend’s amazing! You guys are dumb!” But you’re so right!
Yeah. I would feel sort of similarly, but also if they were like “Lex is the favorite.” I would be like, stop.
[laughter]… I can’t lie!
I appreciate your honesty. This is a safe space.
This is a safe space, is it?
This is a safe Fort.
Okay. Okay. So, we have two more questions.
And then we are all going to do four little five-minute dopamine trampolines. And then we will… wrap this up.
Because despite me being the primary cause of most derailing, [laughter]. I am going to try to bring this home.
I love that for you. [Laughter]
We’ve got this team!
It actually- like- I feel like I ramble. And then when I get to the point where I’m like, okay, I’m done now. I’m like-
“Okay, Jordan, let’s go. Let’s do the ending.” Like,
Okay so. So, second to last question. Penultimate question, who inspires you as an ace spec or neurodivergent artist?
I have an answer. Well, my answer is just like, other good art. Not necessarily like any one person or whatever in particular. For me, nothing motivates me to go work on my own stuff. Whether it’s podcast related stuff, or my writing, like nothing motivates me more to work on my own stuff than watching or reading or experiencing like really excellent art. Like the other day, I watched a BTS video, and it motivated me to go work on my screenplay. Like it doesn’t- it doesn’t even have to be in the same medium at all. It’s just like, if I see something and I’m like, “Oh, like that really impacted me. I’m like, you know what I should do, I should go write something.” And that also has to do with the fact that, you know, I- I’m not the kind of person who like writes every day at a certain time. Like, if I feel motivated to do something, I do it. Because I know that that motivation is fleeting, and I don’t necessarily know when it will come again.
I mean, that makes sense though. It’s kind of that, what is that? The transitive property. I don’t know how to do math, but the like- “That inspired me, I’m gonna go inspire someone else!”
Yeah, like I feel nice. I would like to make someone else feel that way with what I create. So let me work on creating that. Yeah.
Hell yeah. What about you Kayla?
I’m just like a throwing out all of my stupid insecurities. For me, it’s a hard to look at like other artists and creators, especially if they’re like in the same space as us. As much as I, 100% want like more creators, and influencers or whatever in the asexual space or whatever. Every time there’s someone new that’s big. I get scared that people like aren’t going to want us anymore.
Which is like really selfish, and like really shitty, because the space is very small. We need all the people we can get.
We always say like, we want competition, like give us competition. But then when competition comes, we’re like [mutters under breath]
Objectively, I want competition. My gremlin brain is like very insecure about it. So, like I find it hard to be inspired by other people, because usually like- This sounds so shitty, but like other people doing well sometimes make me just like second guess myself, and like shut down myself.
But… like earlier this week I was like feeling that way. I was just like very stressed about how much I had to do, and just like very overwhelmed. And… I just like had to remind myself that, like we don’t do the podcast or do other things like for ourselves, like at this point it’s for other people. Like we get the most lovely emails and like, a tiny community has been created around the podcast. Like this all sounds like very cheesy, and self-serving. But I was like, being a creator is such like a thankless business. Like you just do whatever, we’re not making money, I’m not getting any validation. And then I was like shut the frick- shut the heck up.
Like that’s so not true. Like that’s just like your insecure brain, being like needy and stupid. Like you’re getting them out of-
Not the rat brain again.
Not the rat brain! Husky rat brain. What would you say-
[Singing] Rat-ta-taa Remie! The raa-ta-touille! [inaudible]
Is that- is that from the Ratatouille musicals there?
It’s- Wait is it really?
Oh my God! [Laughter] I was kind of joking, and I kind of regret asking now!
It’s a movie, but very funny.
It’s not an episode?
Oh, I watched the whole thing. When-
How did you?
When they did like the-
I didn’t, was it good?.
Oh, it was like so cheesy and horrible, but like excellent. You know? Cause I mean all the people involved with it were phenomenal.
Literally, the only thing I know about is that André De Shields was on it and he was like, “Yeah, no, I didn’t watch Ratatouille but sure!”
Yeah, no, he- he was great. He just had his little song; he was just sitting in his chair.
That’s really all you need. I feel like at this point you don’t really need anything else from André De Shields, except for like-
André De Shields, give the man an umbrella and let him walk across the stage.
That’s all, that’s all you need.
Anyway, this became theater talk. [Laughter]
I’m over here like [makes noise], coooolll. [Laughter] Just kidding. I- I fight it, but… the theater [inaudible]
You can’t run for long.
You can run but you can’t hide.
I have the videos of you singing ‘Taylor The Latte Boy’, I got proof.
It’s fine [Laughter]. Shut up.
I’ll Keep them to myself, but-
You aren’t going to, you’ve already told me, so-
I’m waiting. I’m waiting for the right-
The right time.
She’s waiting for my birthday.
I know it.
You guys can put on Patreon. Patreon will make content [Laughter]
Gated con, you have to pay five dollars…To get this video.
Maybe that will be our Paywell.
We don’t have a Patreon yet, but maybe that’ll be our launch.
I hate you- I hate you so much.
Mhmm, that’s a big- that’s a big launch. [Laughter] big deal.
[Laughter] it’s be a kickoff
Like a carpet event.
You can walk the red carpet.
I love that.
We’ll have to get a red carpet. Yeah, we’ll deal with that later. Um, last question for you. Uh, and this one’s a little bit of a mouthful, so let me see if I can… drop those like middle school reading skills and get this one out.
Do you want me to do it?
Do you want to do it?
I can do it.
Both asexual and neurodivergent people can experience friendships and romantic slash sexual relationships differently than the allo, a motto normative slash neuro-typical world often portrays. Do you see any overlap in those differences?
I’m glad I’m looking at this question because my ADHD brain-
Yes [laughter]. Yeah
Just did not take any of that.
I was reading it, don’t recall it.
[Laughter] Oh yeah.
Like it’s just in and out. You know.
Yeah, it’s just-
Also I’m sorry. I just used my camera hand to gesture.
I understood. I understood.
Uh… I’m looking at- I’m thinking about- looking at her, looking at her question. I hope the question uses she, her pronouns, I didn’t ask- Kayla do something to say.
I think I said this earlier, just like the way the world works and like the advice people give, like isn’t set up for neurodivergent people. And I feel like it’s the same way with like, a-spec identities is like, everyone’s writing a whole book about it. [Laughter]
This is true.
This is just like-
How is that going by the way?
We’re submitting our like first chapter to our editor in a couple of days.
Heyy! That’s nice.
So hopefully he likes it. [Laughter]
Hopefully its not garbage.
Look at, y’all go.
I believe you; you’re doing amazing.
But like, yeah. That’s like kind of what the whole theme of our book is. Ts that, like the way that a-spec people view the world is just like very differently, and you like break a bunch of like norms and rules that are just like, everyone thinks, are just there permanently. And like, we forget that they are just like stupid manmade constructs. I feel like, things like ADHD, or depression or anxiety, like we don’t work the same as neuro-typical people. And so you have to kind of like, do stuff yourself and like fight back against like things like, having to write every day or like the way that the school day is structured, or like the way that like the average work day or work week is structured. Like that just like doesn’t work for a lot of neuro typical people.
Yeah, and I- I think once you, become aware of the fact that, uh… Society influences certain things onto you, and once you realized that, like maybe you don’t want to embrace those things in the same way, or you experienced them differently. Like, when we talk about asexuality, like a lot of people, when they first hear about it, like a totally turns their world upside down, because like they understand like, “Oh, gay people, like they experienced it just like straight people, It’s just for the same gender.” But then when you start talking about asexuality, and you start talking about the lack of attraction altogether. They don’t get it. They’re like, “That’s possible? – Like you can still live a fulfilling life without that attraction?”
It’s like you can’t just shrivel up and die?
Like I’m fine. And I think the same thing goes for neurodivergence. I recently saw a tweet where someone had taken a TikTok of someone who was struggling with mental illness and they were like, I just brushed my teeth for the first time in like three months.
And people in the comments were like, “Oh my God, like, good job. Like you did it!” They were being really supportive in the Tik TOK comments. And then the Twitter that re-posted, it was like “uhh…” And then people in the- in the replies on Twitter were being like, “That’s just like not okay. Like it’s not okay to not brush your teeth for three months.” And like, there was this whole thing of like… Like those people just don’t understand. They haven’t had their world turned upside down yet. And- and for them to understand, you know, what it’s really like to have mental illness, like they’re going to have to get a grasp on that. Like the, the point of- of mental illness or just like, neurodivergent… I guess they’re not identities, but like identifiers in- in general. Like the, the point is that you don’t experience the world in the same way as other people, and you… Um, and that may look wrong, or weird, or like gross to other people.
But like, I- I can’t- I can’t control it! And I think- I think getting people to understand that there’s not one way to be that other people experience the world differently is something that… Um, like neurodivergent, like mental health communities and stuff, and a-spec communities have in common is like, we’re trying to teach people that there’s another way to be. And that there’s not necessarily a value judgment to be placed either way. Like it’s just the way it is. Um, and we’re trying to get people to understand that. But because society tells them, this is how it should be, this is how it should be. They are struggling to grasp that.
I think they’re equally like hard to explain too. Like, I have tried like explaining to people close to me before, like why sometimes I just like will not brush my teeth. Like I just can’t do it. I like- I just can’t do it. And it’s very hard to like, explain something like that to people who it’s just like, “Oh, of course I do!” Like- it’s like habit. Like, I just cannot tell you why I didn’t feel like taking my meds today, or why I didn’t brush my teeth today. Like I- and it’s the same thing with attraction. I can’t tell you why I experience attraction this way. Like, I like don’t have the words to tell you how that feels. It’s just like, how it is.
Yeah, for real.
And I’m for someone who’s on the outside of that, for someone who’s on the outside of that. Like I… I don’t have a snap streak with you asking if you’ve brushed your teeth, because it’s more important that you take your meds, because I know what happens when you don’t take your meds. And like, there- there is an impact on you, if you don’t take your meds. And so like, that’s why I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to bully you when you’re taking these.” I know you’re having Preble, I’m going to annoy you until you do it. And I’m not like “I’m going to annoy you, and make you feel bad about not brushing your teeth.” Because it’s like, that’s not- that’s not the important of
There is only so much Sarah can bother me about [Laughter].
Yeah. Like there’s you- you have to prioritize [laughter].
Yeah! Yeah. No, I mean like the main thing that I think I usually pick as an example for executive dysfunction specifically, and just not being able to, pull off these… Supposedly, allegedly, basic and easy tasks for everyone else. Um… but like peeing, like getting out of bed or getting out, like, or getting up out of my chair and my office to go to the bathroom is so hard. Like I’m sitting there, I’m like, “Oh yeah, I need to pee. I should get up and pee.” And then I don’t- I don’t like-
There’s like no reason behind it. Like, I will be in the bathroom getting ready for bed. My toothbrush will be there, I will have the time… And I just don’t do it. Like, there’s no real- like, I don’t know what to tell anyone about that. Like, it just doesn’t happen.
It’s so hard to explain to people who haven’t ever experienced that. Because it’s like, “I know I’m supposed to-”
There’s like no logic to do this.
“I want to do this.”
Yeah. Like I want to do this just as much as you want me to do this, but there’s something in my brain that’s not letting me do it. And if people haven’t experienced that, they just have so much trouble grasping it.
Yeah. That- that makes so much sense as like, working for ADHD, and executive dysfunction, and mental illness. And obviously all of those are very complicated Venn diagrams, but also for asexuality of it, is just like- it’s just different. And if you’ve never experienced that… Then… it’s like…
Well, and I think the difficult thing is that… So much of- at least the society that we all find ourselves in. Really craves, concrete explanations and definitions. And so, I think to some extent when you’re like, I- you just need to experience it to understand it. Like sometimes people get really defensive about it right? Cause they’re like, “Well, why can’t you just explain it to me? Why can’t you just give me a clear explanation?” And… sometimes it’s just messier than that. And I think-
It’s like, “I just need you to trust me. I need you to be with me.”
Yeah! Mhmm, yeah.
Thank you for knowing what I was trying to say
I have like-
I when I talking earlier about like having patience with people who have like ADHD or neurodivergence. Like, I think that’s what it gets at is like. I now know that like, me telling Sarah that I’m like very upset with her for not doing something. Like that’s not going to do anything, cause she’s also upset with herself. And like, that’s something I learned over time, and then also realized that like I experience of like- that now- like it’s worked into the way that I- like me and Sarah work together is that like, I have to understand that sometimes like one of us just can’t do something, and that there’s like no logical reason for not doing it. And like, we’re both just going to like, have to be okay with each other doing that sometimes.
And we’re just going to have to figure out how to get around that. But yeah, it’s got to get done at some point.
Someone’s gonna have to do something.
Very well said. Thank you both for that.
Yeah, thank you both, um… A ton for, hanging out with us, and also for answering those questions. Um, did you have any- uh, anything that you feel really led to share about asexuality, ADHD, neurodivergence, whatever-
Sending to your Spirit’s still moving.
Yeah. Um, or if you have any questions for us, or anything like that? Um… Yeah, no wow.
I have a question just cause I’m curious.
Y’all- do y’all take medication for ADHD, or mental illness things.
Uh, we’re both actually on like really similar meds. Which is- [Laughter] kind of bizarre cause. I- you went through, you got your… meds… for like depression way before I did. But then I got diagnosed… with all my stuff at once. And then you were like, “Oh…”
“Oh, ADHD. Oh, that’s ADHD.” And then got your ADHD meds, and then we ended up on like the same-ish prescription so.
Yeah no. Uh, I take a hundred milligrams of Zoloft a day, and-
I take extended-release Adderall in the mornings, and instant release Adderall in the afternoons, and-
A fun cocktail.
Yeah, no, it’s a lot. Um I don’t always take-
ASMR for the class. This is my- this is my Adderall.
This is my Prozac.
Yes. Yeah, but we are both.
What-What dose of Prozac do you take? I think it’s less than me.
I take- it’s less than you- I take thirty, I have twenties and tens. I-I used to take more and then I… I’d like to have- I have like a whole relationship with like wanting to get off meds eventually. But like ,it’s an incredibly slow process, obviously. Like weaning yourself off of meds that you are dependent on. Uh… I take therapy.
I’m probably going to be… on these medications indefinitely.
Uh, I mean, Jordan’s seen-
What happens when I don’t have medications. Like even if I have to go without Adderall, and I still have my Zoloft, but like, Oh!
Yeah. I don’t know how, how I did literally anything before Adderall. I was like almost mad when I first started, and I was like, “Wait a second! People have been able to function this entire time?” Yeah.
Well, I’ve- I’ve been using mine a lot more consistently lately. Um, and my dose just got up [inaudible], and I’m like, “Wow”, this is like- I can tell that like, if I forgot to take it, or if I like whatever. Like I can tell the difference.
Sarah will sometimes be like. “Took my Adderall, doing things now.” [Laughter]
It’s- Do you do the extended?
I don’t, I have the, the quickie boys. Um, but…
I do get- I do get Addie updates a lot. I will get updates of like, “I need to take- like, I am not doing this.”
I- I’ve sent you an Addie update today.
It’ll be like-
I forgot to take it this morning and so I-
It’ll be like “I’m doing- I’m not doing this thing; I should take my Adderall.” And then like three hours later, it will be like, “Took an Addy.” Smiley face. [Laughter]
That’s really sweet! I love that.
I just- The wild thing though about like my Prozac is I also just started on another like, anxiety medication that I don’t think has had a ton of impact yet because it’s- it’s- it’s-
It’s a baby. It’s testing the waters.
Um, but my Prozac, I have literally never forgotten to take it. Which is wild, it’s wild. Because like-
It’s very- the fun thing about forgetting to take it, is that when you start taking it again, you get the like weird dreams that you got when you first started taking it.
I’ve been having a lot of dreams recently though.
I can tell when I am coming out of- uh, out of a depression and my meds are working like extra hard, because I will start having the vivid Prozac dreams.
My thing. Okay, I used to-
[Laughter] This is just getting out [inaudible].
I used to not have dreams, and when I say that, people are like, “You had dreams, you just like didn’t remember them.” It’s like, I didn’t even remember having dreams. Like I- it wasn’t like I woke up and I was like, “I had a dream, I have no idea what.” Like I go to bed and I wake up. Like, I very rarely would have dreams, but… because of Prozac, I started getting dreams and that was my least favorite side effect.
Prozac dreams are so very vivid and so weird.
I- Kayla I’m still thinking about the beehive on my back.
That sounds traumatic.
I did get a text about- [Laughter] about a dream Sarah had recently, and it did sound disturbing.
If it makes you feel any better Sarah. I’m, I’m not on Prozac. I’m on Wellbutrin, and Zoloft. But I also did not dream, like at all. I very rarely remembered my dreams until I started that. And so I don’t know if it’s a meds thing, or like a- this year, it’s just been a cluster of f*** thing. [Inaudible]. Cause it is like vivid as like, beehive backs, but.
You’re not alone in that at least.
They’re not always like- I don’t- I don’t have dreams like every night, but it’s definitely a lot more often than I used to. And I hate it. Like, because I lived most of my life, not having dreams. Like, I don’t like having dreams. Because like you wake up in the morning and you’re like, “Well, this is already impacting my mood.” [Laughter] Whereas, if you just go to bed and you wake up, you’re just like, “All right. I’m awake now.” Whereas then sometimes you wake up and you’re like, “I had a dream that there was a whole beehive on my back.”
Sometimes, you wake up and you’re like, I was cheated on by my partner, and now I’m mad at them for no reason because they didn’t do it. It’s just them in their dream. But now I’m angry at them in real life!
I- I don’t remember my dreams, but I dream. I know that I dream.
She do be dreamin.
And sometimes I remember them, but-
I think just like, woo, woo, and it’s just like-
I do though! I flail. I move around
The one reason I devastatingly miss sharing a room with Sarah, is she did the weirdest shit in her sleep. She would flip over, be awake, and go on her phone, and do something. I never knew what she was doing, and then she’d like go back to sleep. But she didn’t remember any of it. What was she doing? What was she doing on her phone?
I don’t know. Very rarely in my life. Sometimes in my life, that has happened where the next morning, like, if someone reminds me that I did it, I’ll remember that I did it, but like.
You used to do it all the time.
Or like when I was younger, like my mom would come into my room and she would- and I would be like- [Laughter]. Sit up and be like, “What’s going on?” And like- my mom was like, “You were speaking jibberish, what are you saying?” And I would be like, [inaudible], and she’d be like “Go back to bed.” And I just will.
It’s literally a horror film.
And then I just would.
It’s a horror film. [Laughter]
I don’t know if this was a thing for like anybody else. But I remember in high school, there was like one of those weird running culture jokes of like, if you wake up at 2:31 in the morning, you won’t remember what you do, and go back to sleep. The logic of it was like, if you wake up at a certain part of your sleep schedule, and then go back to sleep, you don’t remember. So whenever there were like school trips and stuff, people would be like, “Oh! time to go mess with people at two thirty one in the morning.” Was that just my high school being full of-
I’m looking at your faces and realizing-
That also sounds like a horror film for sure.
But also sounds like something that high schoolers would do.
I just want to know what Sarah was doing on her phone every time. Like, what the f*** were you doing?
I’ve never like posted anything to social media-
See that what-
I’ve never been afraid- I would be afraid of like texting someone, or-
I’ve never done that.
Like posting something and it being like, very not good. It’s like [inaudible] texts, but a sleep text.
Very, very occasionally have I sent a text that didn’t make sense. But I’ve never like tweeted.
Strongly disagree. I get texts from you every day that don’t make sense.
When I’m asleep.
I just- Well, I’m just imagining that we look up your phone’s history to see like what was happening at like approximately, two or three in the morning.
That’s what I mean. I need like the FBI, [Laughter] to get into Sarah’s phone and tell me what happens.
Where’s Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds, come on.
Knock, knock FBI agent.
I just wish it was like you writing weird shit in your notes app. Cause that we would be able to find.
There’s nothing there.
That’s true. I’m- I’m imagining just like, you look at the history and all of a sudden you’re on like Reddit, just trolling. I don’t know what I-
What if you have like a whole secret identity? Like what if you’re like-
I have- I have a secret Twitter that has like 600,000 followers.
Maybe! And like- but- you don’t even know, it’s like.
Are you drill?
Yeah! [Screaming] I was literally about to say you’re Drill and you don’t know it!
The mystery! Solved! That would be Wilder than having a secret identity.
Yeah. Wow. Also, I would have to log out every night because, I’m not logged in.
It’s such a secret identity that you don’t even know about it.
Wow team. We are batting a thousand. It is almost 9:00 PM. So-
Do we want to.
Our work is almost over guys.
Oh hey! [Laughter] We did it!
Shall we bounce on over to the dopamine trampoline and take this one home?
Let’s do a bounce.
All right. So for people who might be tuning into this show to listen to Sarah and Kayla. Um, and aren’t familiar with the dopamine trampoline, we talk about one thing every other week. Cause that’s our schedule that brings our brain dopamine! So it can be something from this week that makes you happy. It can be like a deep cut of like, “Here’s a hyper fixation I had when I was a kid!” It can be like, “Yeah, that made me chuckled today.” Whatever butters your parsnips. And since you are our guests, would you like to share first?
I want to clarify just cause you used the term ‘Hyper Fixation’. It isn’t always hyper fixation. Sometimes it’s things that we hyper-focus on, sometimes it’s just things we find that are just… neat.
Welcome. Hop on up in.
Jump with us.
I’m currently hopping. [Laughter]
We do have enough people to probably do crack an egg.
That brings me back.
Thank you! Thank you. [inaudible] never played that.
Wait, so is this dopamine trampoline. Is it like, one of those like shitty trampolines? Or is it like a gymnastics, waffle.
Now this lady’s [inaudible] of gymnastics elite-ism.
Yeah so. There are- there aren’t-
They don’t know what you’re talking about.
Trampolines. They’re more like waffle-
In my mind-
I know exactly.
[Inaudible] and they’re bouncier.
Yeah, no. We can say for this episode, because you are a gymnast, that’s that kind of trampoline. But I will say full disclosure, the trampoline that I’ve always envisioned as the shitty, old black metal coil trampoline, with a purple like vinyl.
Like- your leg- your leg might go through it and you might die.
Yeah, no. My sister actually did, uh, break her back when we-
Uh used to have a trampoline.
That’s the trampoline we had in our backyard. So I’m just like imagining my childhood backyard.
Perfect. That’s- that’s what I’m usually doing for the dopamine trampoline.
It’s whatever trampoline [laughter], it is to you.
Okay. My own personal trampoline today, [laughter]. I mentioned this earlier. I stayed up way too late last night watching BTS videos. Now this happens with some regularity, although I’ve gotten a lot better at like, finally at a certain point, forcing myself to go to sleep. Last night I completely failed on that. Because I got into a delightful rabbit hole of BTS members as cats on the internet, and then BGS members as vines. And they were so delightful! I found myself laughing aloud [Laughter]. Like one thirty in the morning by myself. Will I ever watch a video like that ever again? I don’t even know, but they brought me joy yesterday. [Laughter]
That’s what counts baby!
That sounds wonderful! I’m so happy for you.
Thank you. [Laughter]
Yeah, our third roommate who moved out last year, loves K-pop, so.
I accidentally got into it a couple of months ago, and it’s just- it’s so easy to go down the rabbit hole. It’s so easy! I got my mom into it. [Laughter]
She does [inaudible]. [Laughter]
She does [inaudible].
She sends me a BTS video every day.
That’s really wholesome! My mom mostly contacts me every day to Snapchat me, or at four twenty. With the timestamp and say “Happy four twenty!”
Oh my God. I love that so much. [Laughter]
Yeah, she’s kind of incredible.
Yeah, she will say blaze it.
I have never loved anything more than this fact, [Laughter].
Although, my mom did send me a video. The video she sent me recently was… [clears throat] I- I have a screenshot of it. Oh great! The video is called, ‘A short compilation of John Cook lifting his shirt up’. And I was like, mom how did we-
How did we get here? You’re married! I know logistically in the course of our conversation that day, how she ended up there, like I get it. I also understand from like, me forcing her to watch the BTS video once, how we ended up where we are. But when she sent me that video, I was like… “How? what brought us to this place?”
A married, 50 something year old woman with two grown children. [Laughter]
Neither of which are attracted to men.
Neither of her children [laughter] are attracted to men.
I guess somebody has got to do it.
I was just like- I mean, y’all watch the video. [Laughter]. But like [Laughter]
Oh Julie. Oh, sweet Julie.
[Laughter] How did we end up here?
Your mom is iconic! Wow!
I love Julie so much.
Oh my gosh.
Gosh! I think that might be my dopamine trampoline. Cause that’ just-
Mom, if you make it all the way through this episode, Hi.
What a treat it will be for her, to hear this.
Oh wow, yeah. Julie don’t know ya. Never met ya. But um, you’re uh, an icon now.
She really is.
We respect you so much.
Love me, Julie.
That’s fantastic. What about you, Kayla? What is your- What trampoline are you bouncing on? And what is your dopamine trampoline?
I’m bouncing on the one that is in my childhood backyard.
Uhh [laughter]. I recently- like my binge show has been ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’. I’d watched a couple seasons like years ago, but I’ve been watching all the seasons, um, season nine. And I just like love shitty reality TV. Not that it’s shitty but I just like-
Oh, no. You’re speaking to me.
Love reality. Maybe that should be it more broadly. Reality competition shows, where there’s like drama, and people get mad at each other. Like I love ‘Project Runway’. I love it.
I’ve never actually watched it. I feel like I would really like it, but I haven’t watched it.
I watched it when I was young.
From everything that you’re saying, I think so.
I feel like I really would. Maybe I should look- like- because I keep like running out of them. Like the other day, we watched the entire second season of ‘Blown Away’, which is the glassblowing competition show. We watched the whole thing in one night, and it’s like not that long, but we watched just the whole season that night. There’s also this reality show that’s British, that’s like the ‘Great British Baking Show’, but for pottery. There’s like three seasons, it’s on HBO max. You-
Everyone should watch it immediately. Anyway, I guess just like that type of show is just it. I think.
I can’t- I can’t necessarily get into that show as much, because I will end up on my phone and then I’ll get distracted by seeing videos.
That’s what I like about those types of shows, is I can be on my phone while I watch them. Like it’s my chill show.
My thing with shows is I need to like-
Really focus? I don’t know. I can’t- I cannot watch TV, just watching TV. It is not enough to maintain my mind. I need to be playing a phone game while I watch TV!
Kayla, you are so valid! [Laughter]. I mean, like I still go on my phone sometimes when I’m watching TV. But like, I like great British bake off. Like sure, like if- if that’s on, if that’s on, I’ll watch it.
You guys will not believe what has just happened to me.
What? Did you die?
‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ just started playing in a different window in my computer!
Oh my God RuPaul!
I can hear them talking but I can’t find the window!
Oh no. Stop this immediately
Exactly! Like stop. Valentina, please stop. Okay.
Like shows like that. Like, if other people are watching them, I’ll watch them with them. But I’m never going to choose to watch it myself.
We did watch a whole season of ‘Project Runway’ in college with us, and our two other very good friends and-
Did I do that?
Maybe you were in Germany.
Maybe you were in Germany, maybe it was just me-
[Laughter] I don’t think I did that.
But like our friend, Evan, who’s a man. Who’s like- not like, “Ooh, manly man.” But like isn’t-
He’s a straight man. He’s a straight man.
Not someone you would like peg to get really into ‘Project Runway’. But that man…
[Laughter] That was just so-
He also got so into ‘The Bachelor’.
I’m so sorry [Laughter].
He just- He did get very into it.
Got very into that. Got very into ‘The Bachelor’, ‘Bachelor in Paradise’. He’s committed.
He has a broad range. He really does
Yes. Didn’t mean to interrupt you so much there Kayla, but wow. Reality TV competition shows, woohoohoho!
It’s my passion, it really is.
I just remembered the Nickelodeon game show ‘Guts’, just now. Did anyone else watch ‘Guts’?
I know what you’re talking about, but no.
Did you watch legends of the hidden temple?
I know what you are saying, but I did not.
You really missed out. You should just watch those now [Laughter]
Maybe I did? I didn’t like, watch the TV that everyone else did when they were kids. I don’t know what I was doing the whole time. But we like didn’t have many channels, and I didn’t have like that Nickelodeon, SpongeBob thing that everyone else did.
Didn’t watch SpongeBob
I wasn’t allowed to watch ‘KimPossible’ which I’m still not-
That’s very upsetting.
But I had that experience with Disney movies. I didn’t see a lot-
That b*** loves Mary Poppins. This b**** loves Mary Poppins!
Well, here’s the thing. Did I love Mary Poppins? I don’t know. My sister loved Mary Poppins and because she was my older sister, I was like, “Count me in.” So, we just watched Mary Poppins every day.
I feel it’s so culturally alienating to be a young millennial at this point, and not have grown up watching SpongeBob because I wasn’t allowed to watch SpongeBob.
It is alienating.
Cause I wasn’t allowed to watch SpongeBob either.
I feel alienated- It is my sister’s fault, cause I wanted to watch it. My older sister was like, “No, that show is dumb, we’re not watching it.” And she ruined my life is what I’m saying here. [Laughter]
Rachael, you ruined my life.
I did see the musical though. That was pretty dope.
Well, that’s all that matters.
It was actually pretty good.
Its…the best day… at last!
Yes! Sarah gets it.
Um, but yeah no, it’s-
It sounds when you dance. [Laughter]
I love the energy. You’re bringing to the room right now Sarah. It’s really buttering my parsnips. Lex! What have you got for us this week? Do you need a minute?
No! [Laughter] It talks about my dopamine trampoline!
Me, every time it’s juice and beef time. I always need several minutes.
I’m like doing manifesto, and Kayla’s like, “Uh, I like cheese.” [Laughter]
I do like cheese.
I also like cheese.
Did you all see that Tillamook just dropped like, merch.
Okay, all right. Hold on. Listen, not everyone is from the Pacific Northwest, and not everyone is like-
You could tell them about it.
But, Tillamook and Pendleton collabed to make a plaid blanket.
Like travel blanket.
This I love, this I love.
Like for picnics and travelling.
It’s actually fly as hell. It’s got this really nice like orange and blue plaid on it. Comes with like the leather straps, you can like roll up for picnics and shit.
It’s a chic one.
It’s like when Hidden Valley ranch came out with Merch.
I love Hidden Valley Ranch so much. Surely-
Cannot relate, but-
Just thinking about it.
I’m still reeling about- I right now, is when I found out that they have merch and we need to like zip through this, so I can go look [inaudible]. Oh my God.
I don’t think it’s possible to zip through this. We’ve been doing this for almost two hours.
I know, I’m so sorry.
We are not very Zippy people.
Okay. All right. Here, I’ll bring it home.
Bring it home Lex.
Well, bring it to your dope- I can’t. So…. [Laughter] Disco balls.
F***** love them. Today, a couple of minutes before we sat down to set everything up here, we were in our living room and Jordan was like, “Oh, hey, what are you going to do for your dope trampoline?” And I was like, “That’s a great question.” Who’s to say. And then I looked up, and I had recently hung a disco ball in our living room.
We do, we have a disco ball.
That’s so exciting. [Laughter]
That makes me want one in my living room.
Follow your dreams.
Yeah! I got it for our housewarming party, forever ago when we first moved into this apartment and that it’s just sort of has been in my room, and now it’ not. Anyways, disco ball.
Sarah did you receive the package today?
It’s all good.
To my house?
To my- like the house I live in? Or my PO box?
No, your house.
I don’t know. Should I have?
Maybe you should check.
[Gasp] Is it the Hat
Is it a Disco ball?
I’m gonna pee my pants if it’s the hat. I don’t know, I haven’t been downstairs like all day. I will my piss pants if it’s that hat [Laughter]
Do you need to go get your mail right now?
Should I do this live on this podcast? [Laughter]
If you want to!
Let me text Dean
While you’re checking that, I’m just going to give y’all a quick little history on the disco ball. Cause I had no idea.
I love this. I love this mini history podcast, within a podcast.
Yes, and yes.
Part of the reason our cha- our chaos is a podcast? Sweet mercy. Um…
I think I might’ve just had a bit of a… stroke.
Was it because-
[Laughter] I love this so much.
Charles Town in Boston, Massachusetts.
A group [Laughter], of electricians who produced a publication called the ‘Electrical Worker’, created something called a ‘Mirrored Ball’. And it was incandescent lamps of various colors on wire mesh over a ballroom. And that was the first iteration of a disco ball. And it became quite popular in the early nineteen hundreds, especially in the 1920s. And then they kind of went dormant, for a while. And they were called mirror balls and glitter balls. But then in the seventies, and then in the eighties.
The seventies happened
Speaker e (01:36:40):
Yeah. We had the disco, and then you had the mirror glitter balls over the disco, and then it became a disco ball! And um… That’s pretty much it, but like there’s a company in Kentucky, that has apparently made over 90% of the Globe’s disco balls since like the seventies.
So how did they- how did they become that?
They just started making them and-
Did their best.
Yeah, no. Uh, apparently Kentucky’s just like, yeah, we got baseball bats, and we got disco balls.
[Inaudible] disco balls.
I was gonna say, that’s a good combo.
I was gonna say, did they put those together.
I’m sure that’s been done in a music video at some point.
Oh yeah. So, they’re called um,
Yes! Oh yeah. So also, though, here’s something neat. This company that started apparently, pre seventies, but like they really kicked into gear in the seventies. Mostly a staff of like 20 to 30 young women during world war II were the ones who started really making these disco balls, so.
Love that for them,
Weren’t they trying to like conserve resources and like- So why did they like, let them continue making disco balls? Like I thought-
Maybe it’s the like, “There will be singing about the bad times.” Kind of, this is what we need to sustain our joy through this dark, dark time and reflect the light.
They were like, horrible things are going on. Let everyone-
Get a disco ball, you’ll feel a little bit better. It’ll still be really bad, but you’ll feel a little better.
Maybe everyone should get a disco ball in the pandemic.
Yeah, yes! exactly. So, and also like we’re in the twenties, we’re getting there, but um-
We’re- we’re screaming for sure. We’re being loud. But the, uh… Company called Omega, they had like this most popular type of disco ball, which was the one that was like given to a lot of different clubs. Like, uh… studio- Is it Studio 54?
And different big clubs like that. The most common one was the 40 H. 40 H?
Oh my God. [Laughter]
48-inch disco ball. And do you know how much those things cost? For commission? Four thousand dollars! For a 40-
I was gonna say like 500, Jesus Christ!
Yeah, no. And that was in the seventies at its peak.
So then in today’s money, that would be like.
Yeah. And also like they’re sparkly and fun and like yeah
[Gasp] A cat!
Yeah, that’s Ned!
This is Ned.
Great. You know, great vibes all around.
Good vibes only.
Uh, really just living-
Bestie vibes only.
I said- I said bestie vibes only.
Bestie vibes only! Bestie vibes only!
Yes, So, um… Yeah.
That’s- that’s it.
I just, uh… Oh yeah. You can feel like you’re really in an Owl City song.
Umm, you would not believe your eyes? If ten thousand fireflies?
Yeah. You ever hear that song bass boosted? [Laughter]
Boost that bass.
It’s a very unique experience, we can do that after this, but yeah. Before I hop on, do we have a mail update?
Hold on. I texted my boyfriend and he’s not answering me. I think he’s working
Working? In this economy?
Wow. That’s- that sure is a mood.
Oh my gosh.
So, how’s work? I guess.
I received a lot of emails and none of them were important.
That- that sounds like work!
Oh! we have something. What have we got there? A knife!
No! [Laughter]… [Gasp]
It’s a cow.
A bucket hat.
It looks so stupid on top of your headphones.
Oh my God.
Oh, I got a sticker too. And how good does it look with my headphones?
So good! So good Kayla!
I’m obsessed with you right not
It has like strings in it. So, you can tighten it.
Where are your platform Sandals? Where’s your jelly clutch?
Sometimes you just got an impulse buy your co-host, a fuzzy cow printed bucket hat.
Apparently, you do.
Guess we know what we’re getting each other for our birthdays!
Cause that was delightful. Thank you for bringing us in on that very, very special experience.
I feel like I’m a part of something.
Yeah, you are.
You know, bigger than myself.
Part of something new, and it feels so right to be here with you. [Laughter], I’m so sorry.
Never apologize! This is so perfect. You know, I- I almost have to change my dopamine trampoline, cause that was really, really lovely. But in my heart of hearts, this week, my dopamine trampoline still is… Cinnamon sugar toast.
Oh, so good!
I don’t know why but that’s always been like cozy cold weather food for my family.
Nothing beats it.
That’s so true! Like I remember my first winter in Chicago cause I… For the most part grew up in a desert, and then I moved out here. My mom was like, “I saw that it’s going to be really cold! You better go stock up on cinnamon sugar toasts.”
Aw! That’s so adorable!
So, before it gets snowy, which was very sweet. Um, and it has been, uh, disgusting here. Has not really been above like 20 degrees, and super snowy, so.
Context. I have gotten stuck getting in and out of our garage, four times.
Oh my God.
Just since like we started getting all this big snowfall.
Yeah, we got what? Like eight inches of snow, and we’re supposed to get like six more this weekend.
Oh, we’ve gotten way more than eight, but like this week probably. We’ve gotten eight.
And we’re supposed to get about six more.
So it’s a mess here right now. But-
See I’m-I’m the opposite. I’m from Michigan-
And now I live in LA.
[Excited] You’re from Michigan?
We’re both from Michigan!
You’re both- I’m from Michigan!
Where are you from, in Michigan?
I’m from Rochester Hills.
Is that outside Detroit?
Kay- Yeah, it’s North.
I’m from the world’s smallest town called Hartland.
No-one knows it.
I knew it. No one, its-
There’s a gym there.
Well, but like where-
There is, its [inaudible] here?
Okay. So, you’re both from the East side, okay.
She’s there, I’m over here. Are you West side?
Yeah. Uh, I’m from Paw Paw.
[Laughter] Paw Paw!
Oh, I do- I know Paw Paw! I worked over in Benton Harbor for a summer.
Yes! You gotta drive past Paw Paw.
Yeah. I’m suburbs, she’s nowhere.
Tell me why this made me remember that I recently had a dream, that I like got stuck in the thumb part of Michigan? And it was like, “Oh, this is why no one goes to the thumb.”
Is that true?
Why did this just recent-
No! like that’s nothing. That means literally nothing like I don’t know what. Anyway, okay.
Yeah, I’m from Washington. So I’m just like, love this jounrey for all of you, but I don’t know what’s going on.
She’s like “They’re pointing at their hands and I’m afraid!”
What does it mean? What does it all mean?
What is happening?
It’s a picture of the hat that I now own, but it’s a weird gif of Bernie White. [Laughter] Sorry. I was just looking up the company that this hat is from.
That was a blessing.
Was one of those leopard print?
Yeah, here’s the cow, there’s a leopard.
Ooh! A strawberry cow. Sorry this is nothing.
If there was- if there was a purple cow, I would’ve gotten it for you, but they didn’t have a purple cow. So, um…
Gosh, get your head in the game!
Fake right, break left. [Laughter]
I love basketball! Um… Cinnamon sugar toast! I will keep this short because the main thing about cinnamon sugar toast, I wanted to say is like, it’s always good. But I did discover this week, actually, a new, beautiful way to make cinnamon sugar toast. I made potato bread, because it’s the best kind of sandwich bread. No, I’m not taking criticism, and I-
No critiques don’t worry.
Thank you, thank you. I toasted it. And instead of butter, hear me out here. I took a page from the Moscow Bagel Deli Handbook, which was his bagel shop, that we just called bagel shop. That was in our college town. And they used to do these, it sounds so bizarre. They did like steamed bagel sandwiches, and they would take big a** cookies, and spread them with cream cheese, and cinnamon sugar, and then like steam them in the bagel steamer. And it was so good! It was also admittedly like very solidly a drunk food place, but anytime of the day, so good!
I just can’t imagine putting cream cheese on a cookie for some reason.
You know, don’t knock it till you try it Kayla.
No, I’m [inaudible], for some reason.
Jordan is like chef and baker by trade for some reason. She eats a lot of weird shit.
This is true. If you’re ever in Moscow Idaho, go to Bagel Shop, they’ll hook you up. But I took a little bit of a page from their playbook, and you can try this version at home if you would like. And I did cream cheese instead of butter, before the cinnamon sugar mixture and it smacked a**! it was so good! And that’s been sustaining my heart and soul and body all week.
I’ll have to admit, I cannot support you in this endeavor.
But I do support you in all other endeavors.
And this is just when our paths diverge… Our paths diverged-
Do you not do cream cheese, Sarah?
No, I don’t like cream cheese.
You know, Sarah just doesn’t-
I think that just means more for me.
Sarah is very particular about her food.
If we start talking about my eating habits, this podcast will go on another 30 minutes.
It’s okay! All- In all the cream cheese, it’s going to be okay.
Okay. As long as we can coexist peacefully.
No, I think it’s more than peaceful. I think it’s like truly symbiotic, like.
Yeah, that’s fair. You get all the cream cheese.
Yeah, you don’t even need to encounter the cream cheese.
Nope. Jordan’s got it all.
I got you, I got you. But that’s my dopamine trampoline, is uh cinnamon sugar toast. The classic.
Nice. Thank you.
You’re so welcome. [Laughter]
Thank you bro.
You’re so welcome, bro.
I love you, bro.
I love you too, bro. Uh, let’s do our outro. Or unless there was anything else we wanted to do first. [Laughter]. We keep trying to end this podcast!
I think we should sit here for another two hours. [Laughter]
Hey, we could watch Ticket! [Laughter]
Alexa’s like no, let’s do-
Um, actually though. Would 100% like live stream… a movie, like a ‘Stick It’ party.
Oh my god.
Um, you say the first part of our credits.
I do, okay. So, we’re gonna- we’re gonna do our credits now. This has been a very special episode of ‘Or, Learn Parkour’ from ‘Wholehearted Production Company’.
You can find us on Spotify, Apple podcasts, and most other places people find podcasts.
Special thanks to ‘Krizia Perito’ for our cover art design, you can find her at petal hop, that’s P- E- T- A- L- H- O- P on Instagram, and Twitter, and Etsy. Follow them all and get a hat trick.
Maybe even a cow hat trick.
Yeah. Uh, thank you as well to Tom Rosenthal, for our theme song, ‘There’s a Dark Place’ off of the album, ‘Keep a Private Room Behind The Shop’!
And of course, big, huge, wonderful thank you to Sarah, and Kayla for being with us today to continue on with the credits, you can follow us on the sosh meeds, @orlearnparkour. On Twitter, @wearewpc, on Instagram. and that wearewpc.com
And where can we find y’all?
At ‘Sounds Fake Pod’ everywhere.
Everywhere. Not Linked
I will recommend if you’re looking on social media, @SoundsFakePod. If you’re looking on a podcast app, I’d recommend typing in the full thing of Sounds Fake But, Okay’. I don’t know what will happen if you just do ‘Sounds Fake Pod’ to be honest. I just don’t know what you’ll find.
Why risk it?
I mean it could be… a fun exercise.
Yeah, see- see what happens.
So there’s that. You can find- You can find a ‘Sounds Fake, But Okay’. All- all over the interwebs.
And to make it extra easy for ya.
We are going to link to… Your Twitter.
On our- In our episode description
And our podcast is often just as chaotic as these last two hours were.
It’s definitely. This is chaotic.
I love this.
It’s- Yep. Good, good, good company. Thank y’all. Um, do you have anything else?
Thank you for having us.
Yeah! Of course. Uh… Last few things. One, if you enjoy this podcast and want to hear more, don’t forget to subscribe to this feed wherever you’re listening to it.
Yeah, and if you want, you can share the show with a friend, or not a friend, maybe an enemy!
Who’s to say, yeah. Maybe you just want to hate- hate sharing a podcast.
We’re not going to stop you.
Yeah. So, that’s all we got though! Thank you so much for joining us, and putting up with our shit, for like over two hours.
Do we have an outro question?
If you had to…
If you had to…
If you had to, would you…
If you had to, would you?
No? Okay, okay.
Just a- An existential question for you all to chew on. If you had to, would you?
I’d say hell yeah!
I would not.
So, we’ve got two nos’. Would you?
Wow! Split right down the middle, [Laughter]. You can see, really see the vibes of each of our podcasts.
Ohh… Okay. Well, this sure has been ‘Or Learn Parkour’. I’m Jordan.
Um… I’m also Sarah.
Um… We will- we will see y’all in two weeks. Go check out ‘Sounds Fake, But Okay’! And have a good night.
Get yourself a cool hat.
Say yes to some sleep. [Laughter] and some water.
Those are both good things.
Yeah, okay, bye.
Okay. Yeah, we’re gonna-
Get out of here! Get out! Get out!