[Intro audio: “There is a Dark Place,” by Tom Rosenthal]
Jordan (00:29):
Hi, I’m Jordan.
Lex:
And I’m Lex.
Jordan:
And this is Or, Learn Parkour.
Lex:
This is a podcast about ADHD done by two people who have ADHD. Okay. Well, admittedly, it’s only sometimes about ADHD, but by extension, it’s always about ADHD because we can’t escape it.
Jordan:
It’s served to you with a garnish of ADHD, lovingly arranged on the plate.
Lex:
Yeah. And sometimes we do have enough entrée DHD.
Jordan:
Oh, that was good. Coming in hot with the puns, this episode.
Lex:
Entrée DHD.
Jordan:
That was beautiful and now that you’ve said it again, absolutely sounds like a medication you would see on a commercial. Talk to your doctor.
Lex:
Wow. We really both just went from okay. Okay. All right. Put two improv comedians in a closet together and see what happens. Yeah. Well, that’s what we do because that’s what this podcast is. It’s a comedy talk podcast where we do talk about ADHD 70% of the time, I’d say.
Jordan:
The other 30% of the time is yelling at our cats from trying to open the door with their little grubby paws.
Lex:
Yeah. It’s real cute. They just shoot them under the closet door.
Jordan:
Now I wish you guys could see this, it’s very good.
Lex:
This is an audio medium, but you know what? I don’t care. Okay. All right. Ned. Ned. Okay. Had to get out my rural uncle voice.
Jordan:
Yeah. I haven’t heard that one in awhile.
Lex:
No, no. You did, remember. ‘Cause we went to Joann’s Fabrics and Craft Store and we were walking and you asked, oh, well the bus isn’t going to be here for a couple of minutes, is it okay if I run in to grab a coffee? And I looked at you and I said, no.
Jordan:
Oh, that’s true.
Lex:
But I guess that was more of a football coach voice or something. What energy was that?
Jordan:
That was like an ancient curse voice. I physically reacted to that before I knew what you said. It was just like, no.
Lex:
That’s me, an eldritch being. Here to sow ruin and chaos.
Jordan:
And wish you a very happy Halloween. It is our Halloween episode, friends. Ooh. There’s a ghost in the studio.
Lex (02:56):
There’s a ghost in the closet. It’s okay. This is a safe space. It’s okay, ghosty, it’s safe. You don’t have to leave here. That’s up to you.
Jordan:
That’s your choice.
Lex:
Your time, your call.
Jordan:
I was gonna say, you can think about it as welcoming people in, but this is also a very small closet so I can’t recommend that one.
Lex:
There’s no way we could physically fit anyone else in here. If they had a corporeal body.
Jordan:
They could sit on my lap.
Lex:
All right. I mean, that’s getting dangerously close to hitting your head on the disco balls.
Jordan:
They could sit on my lap if they had a short torso.
Lex (03:33):
Okay. Yeah. All right. Okay. Yeah. This is the Halloween episode, everybody. Okay. Phantom of the Opera, whatever his name is. I don’t know.
Jordan:
I don’t know.
Lex:
Okay, cool. Same. Glad we’re not those types of theater people. What’s up? I’m thinking of all of the people who listen to this who are inevitably those theater people, I see you. I know.
Jordan:
My fellow BFAs.
Lex:
It’s going to be that one person because there’s always one in every department or friend group, etc, who just really, maybe you encountered Phantom of the Opera at a really formative age. Maybe you just were really affected by it. But there’s always one. And I know that that one person, when you’re listening, it’s okay. You’re on thin ice, but it’s okay. You can come back.
Jordan:
If you need to leave us a hate review I totally understand. All publicity is good publicity.
Lex:
That’s the thing, too. If you leave a really bad review, then we can talk about it. And then we can maybe get other people to jump to our defense. ‘Cause that is a pretty good way to get people interested in something, is just, hey, is there some discourse here? I’m going to dive in. I don’t know anything about this. I don’t know any of the people involved personally, but I have opinions. I say this with complete, this is a self dunk. I know that. I know that this is completely self-aware.
Jordan:
Oh, absolutely. I was going to respond. But then you said that and I just started thinking about the bad art friend again.
Lex:
Oh, the bad art friend.
Jordan:
Speaking of discourse that I know nothing about, but ooh boy, do I have emotions? So many.
Lex:
So many. Love it. Well, let’s take that energy and bring it home to this very, very fun, spooky time that is still unprecedented, as they say, and still history in the making, as they say. But it is also still October. It is also still the Halloween time. And dammit, if I am not going to put on that moth man costume. And even if it’s in our living room with our admittedly very nice fancy speakers, even if it’s there, I’m going to dance my little moth man heart out.
Jordan:
Just gonna mash that monster. Do you have something you’d like to share with the class, Lex?
Lex:
I’m gonna scoob that snack is what I was going to say.
Jordan:
Gonna Dracu that la?
Lex:
Okay. All right. All right.
Jordan:
Gonna candy that corn, huh?
Lex:
All right. Listen to me.
Jordan:
You gonna patch your pumpkin?
Lex:
I’m going to carve that pumpkin.
Jordan:
That makes a lot more sense. Yeah.
Lex:
Yeah. You can’t patch your pumpkin. Once you carve a pumpkin, you can’t put that back. You can’t sew a pumpkin back together and expect it to be the same pumpkin that it was beforehand.
Jordan:
I never said it had to be the same pumpkin. That pumpkin can be changed.
Lex:
Nobody is going to come into this candy shop and buy a candy bar that’s already been opened.
Jordan:
Wow. You’re starting to sound like my youth pastor.
Lex:
This is the horror episode. Okay. So, all jokes aside.
Jordan (06:35):
Oh, I know this was the Halloween episode because that got dark.
Lex:
Well, anyways. Okay. All right. Cool. So, this is our Halloween episode and what a better way to celebrate Halloween in an ADHD way than not fully preparing for an episode. And just sort of winging it because that sounded like more fun.
Jordan:
And eating lots of sweets beforehand.
Lex:
Yeah. Because it’s Halloween time and so of course we already have Halloween candy in this apartment. Of course we do.
Jordan:
‘Tis the reason for the season.
Lex:
‘Tis the reason for the season. Ooh. We’ve got a couple of movies on the docket, that we’re gonna do some watching of. I don’t know why I’m talking about this.
Jordan:
What else were you going to do with the movie? Why did you specify that?
Lex (07:33):
I don’t know. I think I threw myself off my game.
Jordan:
You just were really into painting that word picture.
Lex:
I threw myself off my game when my brain started to say, and then I held back and then I had to explain to you that what my atrocious little goblin brain came up with was I want to scoob that snack.
Jordan:
And so we’re just still off the same rails.
Lex:
And I recognize that I did it. I did this to us. I put us in this position, you know? Okay. So, this is the part of the horror movie when everyone starts to kind of break down and get upset at each other, you know? And then they’re realizing that something’s wrong, but, oh God, you know, anyways. You know, living with ADHD. So, see I got it in there. For the SEO. There’s some ADHD for all of y’all as a little treat. Yeah, I mean, we got some ADHD horror stories we’re going to talk about.
Jordan:
Boy howdy, we do.
Lex:
We’re gonna talk about, I don’t know if we’re just gonna wing it. Okay. Everyone just sit back, relax, buckle up. It’s fine. You’re fine. We’re fine. Everything’s great. That’s not true. The world is kind of falling apart around us, but we’re going to try to make a little bit of a fun reprieve. So, don’t get me wrong, we are very aware. We are always so, so deeply aware of the state of everything. But this time we’re going to have fun, dammit.
Jordan:
We’re going to enjoy ourselves on this sacred day.
Lex:
We are going to eat so many Twix.
Jordan:
Yes, we are. No joke. We absolutely are.
Lex (09:06):
I didn’t think you were joking. I thought we were being serious. This is the serious part of the podcast, right?
Jordan:
There’s a serious part?
Lex:
I’ve been serious this whole time. Are you kidding me? What is this?
Jordan:
Do you need to have a Twix and calm down?
Lex:
Oh, no. Wasn’t it a Snickers? Or was it Twix?
Jordan:
Is it Snickers?
Lex:
I don’t know. I haven’t watched real TV commercials in so long.
Jordan:
I was going to say I’m 26, I don’t watch TV or TV commercials.
Lex:
I’m 28. I have Hulu ad blockers. I watch every commercial and I lap it up. Love those boots.
Jordan:
Love those mouth sounds in this audio medium, thank you, Lex.
Lex:
Okay. Listen, listen. I told you, I said this, I said, well, okay. So, here’s the thing, everyone. Jordan, Jordan. Lovely, wonderful co-host, cole, co-host, coho. I’ve been watching a lot of Friday Night Lights, all right? What would Coach Taylor do? What would Coach Taylor do? All right. Actually, no, fuck that. What would Tami Taylor do? Okay. Let’s be real. What would Tami Taylor do?
Jordan:
I know nothing about the show aside from what you have yelled to the house in general from your room. But I already know that’s correct. What would Tami Taylor do in this situation?
Lex:
Thank you. Thank you for understanding that fact. Truly an icon. Listen. Everyone makes mistakes, especially in that show. Another country icon, Hannah Montana. Tami Taylor’s not a country music icon, but you know, she’s as good as. This is so unrelated. I’ve been watching Friday Night Lights because I’m me. I grew up in a rural football town. So, sorry. Anyways. So, there’s my blanket apology for watching the football show. I get it, it’s okay. You’re allowed. It’s okay. I understand. I accept it. However, it’s the season for football. It’s the season for bonfires. It’s the season for dressing up as your favorite TV character or your favorite superhero or your favorite career path? Favorite monster? Maybe your least favorite because you’re trying to conquer your fears this year. I don’t know, but it’s Halloween. Okay. It’s October. It’s Halloween. It’s fall time. And I am in my prime and I am ready to go. And so let’s talk about ADHD horror stories.
Jordan:
Let’s talk about it.
Lex:
Thank you. Awesome.
Jordan:
Throw them at me. What do you got? What is your ADHD horror?
Lex:
Okay. Alright. BFA. Let’s settle down.
Jordan:
Jeez. You got all into the theme and shit, why am I not allowed to get all into the theme and shit?
Lex:
‘Cause you’re really good at it. Obviously. You were trained for this. I can’t compete.
Jordan (12:04):
I think you’re really holding your own. You’re bringing the passion to the table. I’m bringing the craft and we meet in the middle and we make a beautiful seasonal apple pie.
Lex:
I was going to say bull, me, China shop or whatever the saying is. I don’t know.
Jordan:
So, you’re just going to fucking destroy me?
Lex:
Okay. Well, when you say it like that, I was thinking, you know, chaos meets beauty meets tact meets- I don’t know. I was trying to go, but you know, really good apple pie is good too. Let’s just go with that. It’s fall themed. You’re right.
Jordan:
Let’s do that. Just close your eyes. Let’s regroup, everyone. Close our eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine that apple spice wafting through the air. It’s a little crisp. The windows are open. Got those leaves. Crunch. And exhale. And here we are. It’s fall. It’s Halloween. You’re going to tell us some horror stories. We’re sitting around that bonfire. It’s crackling.
Lex:
Yeah. So, this is beautiful. I love this. I love theater. I would love to attend that party, but that’s not the party we’re having. ‘Cause there’s also a little bit of a chill in the air. Just enough that even with your nice jacket, it’s just a little too chilly. And so you’re getting a little close to that fire or closer to the person you’re sitting next to. They call it cuffing season for a reason. And that’s partially because it’s cold and cuddling is much more fun when it’s cold. No one wants to cuddle all sweaty. Maybe you do. If that’s your thing, I’m not gonna [inaudible]. However, there’s a chill in the air. You are sitting around this bonfire. You do smell the apple pie and cinnamon spice and everything wafting in from maybe the nearby farm house, but you also hear a lot of the wind in the trees moving the branches in the nearby woods. You hear the occasional owl hooting. Okay.
Jordan (13:58):
Stay with it. Stay with it.
Lex:
You know, you’ve got the one friend who somehow has brought a flashlight, even though everyone has a flashlight on their phones now so you’re like, why did you bother? But okay, sure. I guess you’re the one person. Good for you, prepper.
Jordan:
Maybe they’re just into the lo-fi aesthetic, you know.
Lex:
That’s what I’m saying, it’s that one friend. That one friend who’s like, let’s tell a scary story. And then they put the flashlight up under their face and you’re like, this isn’t scary. And then they proceed to tell you this really scary story. This is what happens in every movie or TV show with this sort of scene. They tell you the scary story. It’s totally foreshadowing for what’s going to happen in the episode or movie. And then at the end he’s like, ah, just kidding. And everyone kind of jumps, and they do all die except for two of them. So, we’re going to not do that.
Jordan:
Which part?
Lex:
All of that. ‘Cause that’s a lot of, I mean, have you seen Cabin in the Woods? That’s a lot of work.
Jordan:
I still have not seen that movie.
Lex:
We should watch that.
Jordan:
We should watch that. But the part we are going to do is tell some ADHD horror stories, right? That is where you are going with that. Right?
Lex:
No, I thought I’d just set up a scene and then that’s it. So, you’re welcome. There’s some little Halloween ASMR that was probably not at all relaxing. I’m going to go now. Bye.
Jordan:
The real horror story is actually us just getting lost, irretrievably lost in the middle of a story with too many tangents and we don’t know the way out and there’s someone chasing us and it’s the stares. The people going, what are you talking about? It’s like a corn maze in your own mind.
Lex:
And then you see all the people who are like, we’re on the bus home. Why are you still on the go? They closed three hours ago, Tim. I don’t know who Tim is. Again, watching a lot of Friday Night Lights, I guess it’s Tim Riggins. Tim Riggins, what are you doing in the cornfield?
Jordan:
Tim Riggins, dammit.
Lex:
That sounds a lot like what people say to him in the show.
Jordan:
I guess I’ve just absorbed it through osmosis. It’s fall. Friday Night Lights. It’s Friday. It’s night. There are lights. Clear eyes, full sports, have fun.
Lex:
Can’t podcast.
Jordan:
Can’t podcast. You did say that you had some horror stories before we started recording. Do you want to tell those?
Lex (16:16):
Yeah, sure. So, okay, let’s bring the mood, as we like to do on this podcast. Let’s just bring the mood right down.
Jordan:
Take it away.
Lex:
So, I came in here thinking I have some funny ones from back in the day. Like, that’ll be funny for a horror story. And then I was like, oh, what about some more recent horror stories? What’s the horror story for ADHD for me, right now. And then I was like, I haven’t cleaned my room in two months. Yeah. So, there’s that. And scene. Okay. So, the second one.
Jordan:
That was a jump scare. That was a whole jump scare in one story.
Lex:
Yeah. But a Mike Flanagan sorta jump scare where it was there the whole time and all of a sudden something in the shot moves and you’re like, oh God. But you can feel it’s not really a jump scare but you didn’t know it was there. It was there the whole fucking time and it was watching you.
Jordan:
An aware scare.
Lex:
Yes. If any of y’all want to hear me talk about horror movies that I like personally, I will talk about that for hours. I love it. I love to be scared. I don’t know why, but I love it. Oh, the thrill, the adrenaline. I mean, psychologically, I understand why people like horror and I understand why people like to be scared and why people like to get that adrenaline pumping. ‘Cause, you know, dopamine and not that we would have any idea of what trying to find dopamine is like on this podcast. So, okay.
Jordan (17:47):
Pull it together.
Lex:
I mean, we talked about this, right? I broke character onstage during a live performance in high school. I had to do push-ups.
Jordan:
You had to do push-ups?
Lex:
Yeah. I had to do so many push-ups in theater in high school.
Jordan:
Was that just general punishment?
Lex:
Yeah. But specifically for people who were being distracting. Yeah.
Jordan:
And you had to do a lot of those.
Lex:
Yeah. I don’t get it. I don’t see it. I’m sure if Mr. Perkins ever listens to this podcast, which, if Mr. Perkins ever listened to this podcast, oh, that’s a lot for me to think about. So, anyways, I’m going to stop that.
Jordan:
That’s its own horror story.
Lex:
But speaking of high school, I’m gonna tell you one of the ADHD horror stories that happened to me personally, right? So, this is a firsthand account. Okay. So, there I am. It’s sophomore, junior year and, you know, I’m a growing himbo. So, I’ve got hormones and going through puberty and all that. And, you know, I have a uterus and so I was menstruating and I was, oh, in the middle of math class. And I think I probably need to go get a tampon. I think it’s fine. I’ll just wait till break in between classes. I’ll go get the tampon at my locker. Break between classes comes. I walk to my locker. I open the locker, I see the tampons. I grab my books for my next class. I see the tampons. I shut the locker. This is not intentional, mind you. This is completely unintentional. I had every intention of getting a tampon. So, I’m in my next class and I’m like, oh my gosh, okay, well maybe I should just take the hall pass and go get a tampon because I should really take care of this. Oh, well we’re doing an experiment thing and we’re doing lab in chem. So, this will be fun. And so I don’t want to miss that. So, I’m going to wait. I’ll just go get it from my locker. It’ll be fine. It’s the first day, it’ll be fine. So, the second break comes around and I go to my locker. Set my books down from the last class, get my books from the next one. I see the tampons and I shut the locker. I forget again. I know it’s looking bleak. It’s looking bleak. But there might be some hope here. Okay. So, keep your chins up. So, I go to my next class and I’m like, oh my, oh my God, oh my God. I have forgotten again. I’ve forgotten the tampon again, God. And so I’m like, okay, well I really do need to use the hall pass this time to go and get the tampon. And I’m like, okay, can I use the hall pass it’s for, I think what I probably said was feminine issues, which I know, but it was 2008 so sue me. There’s myself, bodily getting into the story and I was like, I need to stop. I’m making the chair creak so much. So, I get the hall pass, I go to the bathroom and I don’t go to my locker beforehand. So, I go to the bathroom and then I’m in the bathroom. I don’t have the fucking tampon. And so I’m like, okay, you know what, whatever. And we’ve all been there. Okay. If you menstruate, I know you’ve been there. It’s okay. I want you to know I’ve been there too. So, I just wad up some toilet paper and I’m like, you know what? This will have to do. And then this continued until the last class of the day. And finally I’m like, oh my God, Morgan. Morgan was my friend in school. Morgan, do you have a tampon? I need a tampon. I really need to go. I need a tampon. And I look over to where Morgan sits and Morgan was gone. Morgan was absent that day. I know. I know. I know. So, yeah. I mean, eventually I think I took care of it before theater rehearsal or something.
Jordan:
That is terrifying.
Lex:
I just kept forgetting. You want me to focus on something for longer than five seconds?
Jordan:
Absolutely not.
Lex (21:40):
That’s pushing it. That’s really pushing it. Sorry, guys. That was mine. Hope you enjoyed this little story. There’s s’mores over there by that hay bale. And then in the pole barn we do have a cat that gave birth to some kittens recently. Enjoy the bonfire, everybody. This is the mom who owns the farm, who does the bonfires for big groups of kids. I don’t know.
Jordan:
Is she a cool mom? Like a fun mom? Or is she a fruit pizza kinda mom.
Lex:
Okay. Don’t knock fruit pizza.
Jordan:
No, no, no. I want to be super clear, sweet fruit pizza that’s like a crust with pizza on it rips. That’s so good. But have you seen the watermelon slices? Yeah. Yeah.
Lex:
I thought you were talking about when they do a giant sugar cookie. What have you done with my co-host?
Jordan:
I would never speak ill of the fruit pizza. Do you all remember Zoom, the show on PBS?
Lex:
Vaguely.
Jordan:
Come on and zoom, come on and zoom and zoom.
Lex:
You know what, that really did it for me. Rocketed me right back.
Jordan:
You’re so welcome. They used to have a cooking show segment, which as you can probably tell was formative, but they had a free pizza segment.
Lex:
Formative? For you? Go on.
Jordan:
Who baked us cookies today? What did you eat right before this? What did you eat right before we recorded?
Lex:
Listen, listen. It’s not about that.
Jordan:
What? Sorry, I didn’t hear that. What was it?
Lex:
Okay. You made really good cookies. Okay. You made really good cookies. They were coconut and chocolate chip.
Jordan:
Thank you. Was that that hard? Anyways. So, they introduced me to-
Lex:
These were some really good cookies.
Jordan:
Thank you.
Lex:
I hate the bits where I’m like, I hate you. It’s so unnatural.
Jordan:
No, I was being a bitch there. You were allowed to.
Lex:
It’s not as fun when people are mean to each other, you know? My name is Ned Schneebly.
Jordan (23:40):
Okay. Pull back a little bit. We’re not quite to the Dopamine Trampoline, but then when we get there you can talk about Ned Schneebly as much as you want.
Lex:
Okay. Okay. Sure. Yeah. That’s okay.
Jordan:
You don’t have to.
Lex:
I guess my Dopamine Trampoline is just Ned Schneebly. Just the character Ned Schneebly played by Mike White in School of Rock. Yeah. That’s great. Thank you. Thank you for this assignment. Because it’s assigned to me I will never do it.
Jordan:
Yeah, that’s fair. This is an ADHD podcast. I’m not sure what I expected to happen.
Lex:
Yeah. Okay. So, you talk now. You do things. You tell me your horror stories. Why was I such an asshole? You were talking and I derailed you. And then I was like, okay, well keep talking, do more. I don’t know. Tell me about your ADHD horror story.
Jordan:
Yeah. I’m telling you now, I’m starting to set it.
Lex:
I was just like, I forgot to say please. I’m not an animal.
Jordan:
Thank you?
Lex (24:45):
Okay. I’m just going to go sit in the corner of this little closet studio so I shut the fuck up for a second.
Jordan:
Well, lucky for you this whole closet’s just a corner so you don’t have to go far.
Lex:
I can’t hear you. I’m in the corner.
Jordan:
What?
Lex:
I’m in the corner, Jordan. Hey, Jordan. I’m in the corner.
Jordan:
Can you come back to the podcast please? I miss you.
Lex:
What?
Jordan:
Can you come back to the podcast please? I miss you.
Lex:
You kiss me? Ew.
Jordan:
This is so stupid.
Lex:
I’m going to stop. We’re going to stop the podcast now, we’re done. It’s canceled. It’s over. It’s no more. [Inaudible]
Jordan:
What did I put in those cookies? What were we talking about?
Lex:
I don’t know. I’m going to be honest, y’all. Just in case we don’t have anything good to cut from, we did talk about jokingly drugging each other in a loving way. But we did decide that was maybe not the best content to put out into the world. And you may be thinking, wow, they actually do sift through their content. We do, unfortunately.
Jordan:
It takes so much more time than you would think it does. If you’re like, wow, they just let this fucking rip, don’t they? No.
Lex:
No. Throwback to the time when my mom asked me, so it’s scripted, right? One of my friends listens to your podcast and they said it’s scripted. And I had to say, excuse me? No. I wish it was scripted because then maybe I wouldn’t say the things I say.
Jordan:
That would be a lot less editing.
Lex:
And I’ll be honest. We sometimes say things and roll with stuff. And then we’re like, well that’s bad. That’s bad audio. That’s bad content.
Jordan:
And that’s what you get for your Christmas episodes.
Lex (26:40):
Yeah. Well, we still probably won’t.
Jordan:
No, that’s never going to see the light of day. God, we’re the people that Facebook moms are afraid of, just drugging Halloween candy.
Lex:
Okay. I wish that happened. I want to go trick or treating if that’s what’s going on out there. I mean, not me, no drugs. Never. Remember when they were like, they’re going to put razor blades in there. Did that ever happen?
Jordan:
Did that happen?
Lex:
The other thing people would be like, they’re going to hide razor blades in your candy. And I’m like, what person has a vacuum sealing machine specifically made to reclose candy bar wrappers.
Jordan:
You could put it in a Tootsie roll or something. Just twist it back up. That’d have to be a big tootsie roll though.
Lex:
Exactly. See? Things that are that small, that can be rolled up like that are also kind of too small to hide stuff in. And the big stuff, like the big [inaudible] candy bars, that would be potentially a good vessel for a razor weed, a drug blade. I don’t know, it’s laced. Oh no, the blade, it’s been laced with edible poison. I don’t know. I was really scraping the bottom of the barrel there. I was really scraping the bottom of that cauldron.
Jordan:
Seasonal. Nice.
Lex:
Yeah. So, I wish that happened.
Jordan:
People aren’t giving away free edibles.
Lex:
Are you kidding me? Those things cost so much, especially in Chicago. Are you kidding me?
Jordan:
Even in Washington though, that doesn’t happen.
Lex:
No, that’s the thing, in Washington the kids can just go and be like, hey, can you go get some weed for me? And the parents will be like, oh, I already have some in the fridge.
Jordan:
It’s like beer in Russia. I already have some in the fridge? Where you keep weed?
Lex:
Like you got edibles.
Jordan:
You keep those in the fridge?
Lex:
Well, sometimes. it depends on what you’ve put the edible stuff in. It doesn’t have to be a baked good. You can put it in drinks.
Jordan:
Like cheesecake?
Lex:
Yeah. Yes.
Jordan:
That’s the first refrigeratable dessert that I thought of.
Lex:
That’s fair. You know what? And you could do that. See, see how fun it would be to drug the food in this house.
Jordan (28:52):
I immediately was trying to come up with a good portmanteau for that. And all I could think of was weesecake.
Lex:
Sorry. It’s not funny. You’re right. It’s horrible. Weesecake. [Inaudible] That was bad. Bad time. Mom, if you finally decide to listen to those podcasts, don’t.
Jordan:
Coyota Torolla.
Lex:
Remember when you thought that that post was just Toyota Corolla, and you thought that was so funny. And I had to look at the post and say, hey, you mixed that up, the post says Coyota Torolla. And that’s why people think it’s funny. And you just saw a Toyota Corolla and said haha.
Jordan:
Admittedly, it would be funny. If someone was super blasted out of their mind. And you’re like, hey dude, what’s up? And they just responded.
Lex:
Toyota Corolla. But think about if they looked at you and say Coyota Torolla, especially if you were high too, and you look at them and you’re like, is that how you say it?
Jordan:
I would just be like, what did you say? And I’d just assume I was mishearing it. I would still go with option one, personally.
Lex:
There’s no way that you were going to come out of the situation, reading it. So, what about Toyota Corollas? They are sponsoring this episode.
Jordan:
They’re not, but they could be.
Lex:
That’s not true. I have a Subaru. But Subaru, get at me.
Jordan:
I could have a Coyota Torolla. I didn’t mean to say that wrong.
Lex:
You didn’t mean to say Coyota Torolla? Jordan, bro, you good? Do we need to stop the pod- hey, everyone? Everyone shut up. Jordan, do you need a break? Jordan, can you pull through? Listen. I know Halloween can be real. I know. I know. This is just like when we filmed Midsommer. Very emotionally taxing, you know, just tiring, long days. Screaming, just screaming with Florence. Oh, Florence. God love ya. Remember what you did? You powered through.
Jordan:
I sure did. When I was in the A24 film. Midsommer.
Lex (31:19):
You absolutely [inaudible] Yeah. Okay. So, I don’t know what I’m trying to say here, but pull through, bro. Tell me your ADHD horror story.
Jordan:
Okay. My ADHD horror story is a little bit more psychological horror. It’s a little more my jam. Less of the blood and stuff.
Lex:
I was gonna say, less gore.
Jordan:
And it’s like a haunting. You’re going through your day and you keep seeing something out of the corner of your eye. And you’re like, did I see something there? And there’s something in the back of your head that you’re like, I thought I knew what that was. It’s like, I forgot.
Lex:
Would you say this happens often, bro?
Jordan:
I mean, I’m talking about a specific instance right now and it’s not threatening, but it kinda just puts you off. Makes you feel a little bit like, I swear, what am I supposed to be remembering right now? And you go through your day and you think everything’s fine. And then you get to the end of your day. And all of a sudden, you see it out of the corner of your eye and you go, oh my God, I can’t believe I forgot this. And in your horror, you realize that your roommate said it would be a really funny idea to come up with ADHD horror stories for the podcast you’re recording tonight, and you completely fucking forgot that she said that. And so now you are face to face with your fear. Completely fucking bullshitting. ‘Cause I forgot you asked me to think about that. It was a very good idea.
Lex:
Here’s the thing though. We can’t go up from that. You committed to the bit that hard. Oh, I’ve never been prouder.
Jordan:
Oh, thank you.
Lex:
Thank you.
Jordan:
My pleasure.
Lex (33:11):
Well, cool. So, on that note, we’re going to end the podcast ‘cause what else is there?
Jordan:
We still have to do our candy rankings.
Lex:
All right. Well, now that we spent the better part of an hour getting to that point where we both finally shared one story each.
Jordan:
Yep. Here we are. Good podcast, everyone. Go hit the showers, boys.
Lex:
Okay, no, no. Get back out there. Take another lap because this podcast is not over because this is the part of the show where we normally go over to a little place called the Dopamine Trampoline. In our other episodes we go to the Dopamine Trampoline, we hop upon it. And we talk about the things that is giving us dopamine that week, whether it’s hyperfixation, whether it’s just a casual interest for the week, whether it’s a phase, it’s usually not a phase though, mom. That’s where we go. This week, because it is the Halloween episode, and because it is so, you know, we didn’t prepare much. Obviously we didn’t prepare much.
Jordan:
Oh, I prepared a whole segment that we haven’t gotten to. But we’re not going to.
Lex:
The candy? We can do that as a Tik Tok. We have too much spooky content. We talk so much, both of us. But I do know that I really can get to jibbering.
Jordan:
And so yeah, like you were saying, we normally do that.
Lex:
But today we’re going to an offshoot,
Jordan:
Like a haunted Dopamine Trampoline?
Lex:
No, just a separate dopamine-giving thing, which is candy. So, what’s a Halloween episode without candy, baby. Gimme that capitalistic, monetized trick or treat bullshit. Yes, yes, yes, yes. One of the foam panels just fell on my head. It’s a sign.
Jordan (35:04):
There’s a presence with us in the closet.
Lex:
It’s my hunger for Twix.
Jordan:
That’s true. So, would you say that Twix is your favorite Halloween candy?
Lex:
No.
Jordan:
What is?
Lex:
Circus peanuts. I’m just kidding. I’m not a serial killer.
Jordan:
I was like, that’s an extremely hot take. That’s scarier than anything else you’ve said tonight.
Lex:
Oh, when I was in ninth grade, I ate circus peanuts weekly. I love that.
Jordan:
I don’t have anything against them. But for that to be your favorite candy.
Lex:
I’m just saying there was a point in life where I thought maybe that was my favorite candy, but I need you all to know that I have repented. I have moved on from that. Get thee behind me, circus peanuts.
Jordan:
Get thee to a nunnery, circus peanuts.
Lex:
You know, little slutty, slutty, little peanuts. [Inaudible] You’re slut shaming them.
Jordan:
Yeah. Oh, I know. I know. I know Hamlet.
Lex:
Yeah. I know, that’s what I’m saying, why are you looking at me weird? You slut shamed the circus peanuts, and I just joined along.
Jordan:
And now here’s the thing. The exact phrase you said though, was those slutty, slutty peanuts. And I was already a 10 meter sprint down that road, away from Hamlet.
Lex:
Okay. To a slutty Mr. Peanut? He died though.
Jordan:
He’s been dead for, what, two years now?
Lex:
Keep thotting it up in heaven.
Jordan (36:34):
Two slutty, slutty years.
Lex:
Okay. Anyways, we are full of some energy. Between drugging one another and also slut-shaming candy. Who are we? We’ve really strayed from our values as a podcast.
Jordan:
Our what?
Lex:
Our values as a podcast.
Jordan:
Again, our what?
Lex:
Okay. Listen, our first episode we laid shit out. We do. We went in with a thesis statement. We’re a little lost in the mid section of the paper, probably at this point, but that’s, you know, up to y’all. So, candy.
Jordan:
Yes. You were telling me about your favorite one. And you said circus peanuts, but not.
Lex:
I was kidding because I thought it was funny. And then we did just go down quite a path. That’s why I’m afraid.
Jordan:
It’s like we have ADHD or something.
Lex:
Yes. I know. It’s like we have ADHD. It’s the podcast we’re doing. I know. I can never escape it.
Jordan (37:26):
So, what was your favorite candy?
Lex:
And that’s the real ADHD horror story is that it never ends.
Jordan:
The candy?
Lex:
Well, if you’re smart, that too. Yeah. If you’re good with your money, that too, you know? For real, when I think back to when I was actually, you know, young enough to trick-or-treat, trick, trick-or-treat, when I was young to go trick-or-treating, why am I having trouble now? I’ve been talking for an hour.
Jordan:
That might be why you’re having trouble now.
Lex:
Okay. Listen. All right. Okay.
Jordan:
Do you want to finish your sentence?
Lex:
Yeah. Okay. I don’t remember what the fuck I was saying. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Okay. When I was younger, my favorite thing was sour stuff. So, Sour Patch Kids, Smarties. I will never say no to some Swedish Fish. Nerds, the little Nerd boxes. The fun seasonal color.
Jordan:
Yeah. I was going to say, I feel like Halloween and Valentine’s day are really the only two times I see Nerds just out there.
Lex:
Christmas. I only know this because every year in my stocking I get just a giant box of Nerds that are Christmas themed. ‘Cause they have the red, white and green ones. Wow. I don’t know that much about candy. It’s fine.
Jordan.
Oh, I do. I didn’t have friends as a kid. I just watched Unwrapped on Food Network.
Lex:
Okay. All right. Well, so yeah, that was probably my favorite thing, was Sour Patch Kids, growing up.
Jordan (38:52):
Nice. Do you have a least favorite?
Lex:
Anything with peanuts.
Jordan:
That’s fair. I know how you feel about peanuts.
Lex:
Not just circus peanuts, peanuts generally. No, thank you.
Jordan:
It’s great though ‘cause it means I get all the Reese’s cups.
Lex:
Yes. And as one of my friends who’s allergic to peanuts once said, we need more people like you. To me, not you.
Jordan:
Who just hate peanuts? Just for solidarity? Amazing.
Lex:
He was like, I want more people to be like you.
Jordan:
More people who see the evil? Yeah. Okay. I love that for you.
Lex:
The only time I’ve ever liked peanut butter that I can think of in living memory, when I wasn’t a little, little kid, was Turkish peanut butter. And you know why? ‘Cause it’s mostly sugar. What’s yours? Favorite/least favorite?
Jordan:
I mean, I’m a chocolate person through and through. So, definitely Twix, KitKat, York Pattie, Reese’s cups are up there. I’m not a big fan of chunky nuts.
Lex (39:49):
Me neither. I’m not the one who said chunky nuts on the audio medium. Okay. Okay. So, let’s talk about that first.
Jordan:
Do you want to talk about chunky nuts more?
Lex:
Sounds like you do.
Jordan:
I don’t.
Lex:
Why did you say it?
Jordan:
‘Cause I was having a candy experience.
Lex:
Why would you say chunky nuts, ever?
Jordan:
To differentiate it from smooth nuts.
Lex:
But nuts aren’t smooth, they’re nuts. They’re crunchy.
Jordan:
I mean nut pieces versus nut butter. We’re saying nut way too much. I’m going to move on.
Lex:
I will maintain my stance forever, that nut is arguably the funniest word in the English language.
Jordan:
I was playing my finger spelling game at work on my lunch the other day. But everyone was sitting in the main room and I was kind of in the conversation, but people were chatting and one of the words that came up was nut. And I kept my shit so honorably together, my God.
Lex:
Oh, you are a better man than I, I would have been like, hey everybody, you know what this just said? Nut.
Jordan (40:50):
It was maybe a little bit of a trauma response because this was not too long after I was editing a product page and there was a product for sale for $4.20. So, I screenshotted it and I sent it to our group chat and nobody laughed.
Lex:
Yeah, which I maintain is really, really awful on their part.
Jordan:
It was cruel.
Lex:
And also, how does it feel to not be funny? You know what I mean? Not you, but how does it feel, coworkers who saw a funny 420 thing? That’s rule number one. If someone says or shows you anything to do with 420 or 69, the funny sex number, you laugh.
Jordan:
You say, nice.
Lex:
You say something, you know? And so when you don’t honor that.
Jordan:
They broke the code, bro.
Lex:
You know what I ask you, coworkers that I’ve never met before and don’t know personally at all? What would Tami Taylor do? And it all comes full circle.
Jordan (41:49):
All right. This has been Or, Learn Parkour. I’m Jordan.
Lex:
And I’m Lex. We have credits that we need to do. You dingus. Oh God.
Jordan:
All right. This has been Or, Learn Parkour, a production of Wholehearted Production Company.
Lex:
Yeah. Can you believe we have a production company? Okay. Well, you can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, most other places cool people listen to podcasts. Go get ‘em.
Jordan:
Special thanks to Krizia Perito for our wonderful cover art design. You can find her at Petalhop. That’s P-E-T-A-L-H-O-P on Instagram, Etsy, Twitter, all those good places. Go tell her hello. She’s wonderful. Yeah.
Lex:
Hell yeah. Also, say thank you to Tom Rosenthal for our theme song. There is a Dark Place off of the album Keep a Private Room Behind the Shop.
Jordan:
Thank you, Tom Rosenthal.
Lex:
It is a bop, the whole album slaps, and we love you, but not in a parasocial way, just like, I hope you’re doing well.
Jordan:
In a mad respect kind of way.
Lex:
Yeah.
Jordan (42:50):
You can follow us on the sosh meeds if you want more of whatever this is. We are @OrLearnParkour on Twitter, we are @weareWPC on Instagram and wearewpc.com.
Lex:
Yeah. You can find the links to all of that stuff in our episode description as well as links to transcripts and our sources for this episode that we won’t have because there was no research done.
Jordan:
You can follow us, subscribe us, hitch your wagon to this feed if you would like to hear more of this podcast. We’d love it if you did that.
Lex:
We would so love it if you did that. We’d also love it if you told other people about the podcast.
Jordan:
That’d be extremely rad of you.
Lex:
It’d be so cool. Even if you’re complaining about us, get that out there.
Jordan:
All publicity is good publicity.
Lex (43:36):
Said it once, say it again, hell yeah. Talk about us, please. And if you feel so led, we do also have a Ko-fi and you can find the link to that on our Twitter, Instagram and website.
Jordan:
You sure can.
Lex:
You sure can. Yeah, so you could do that and, you know, just remember what would Tami Taylor do?
Jordan:
I think she’d go to bed at this point. It’s very sweaty.
Lex:
Yeah, she probably would.
Jordan:
So, yeah, I’m Jordan.
Lex:
I’m Lex.
Jordan:
This has been a very special spooky episode of Or, Learn Parkour. We will see you in two weeks.