OLP 034: Get Rotated
[Intro audio: “There is a Dark Place,” by Tom Rosenthal]
Jordan (00:29):
Hi, I’m Jordan.
Lex:
And I’m Lex.
Jordan:
And this is Or, Learn Parkour.
Lex:
A podcast about ADHD done by two people who have ADHD.
Jordan (00:37):
We’re back, baby.
Lex (00:38):
Yeah. It’s been a long while
Jordan (00:40):
Been a hot minute. We took a little spring break to go wild and mostly stay at home cuz it’s been cold as shit in Chicago.
Lex (00:51):
Yeah. It was snowing like two days ago.
Jordan (00:54):
And today it’s gonna be like 80. So I don’t know what to say about that.
Lex (00:59):
This is a God forsaken city on a swamp. That’s really an affront to the universe, on all fronts. So makes sense. Yeah, but partially on purpose, partially just cuz we’re forgetful, it’s been a while. So we’re back. And because coming back after a break can be hard, don’t tell me that you got back to school back in the day after winter break or spring break and you were like, I’m ready to hit the ground running and like, excuse me, no.
Jordan (01:32):
I’m at peak performance.
Lex (01:33):
Yeah. Everyone needs a minute. So this week’s episode has absolutely really nothing to do with ADHD at all. It’s more of a seasonal topic.
Jordan (01:44):
It is a seasonal topic. It is also a belated birthday episode for Lex.
Lex (01:50):
Yeah. And I have ADHD. So there you go. Boom. Yeah. Boom. There it is. It’s all connected.
Jordan (01:57):
All coming together.
Lex (01:58):
It’s all coming together. Yeah. So this week we are talking about- actually, I kind of wanna hear Jordan introduce it.
Jordan (02:06):
Okay. So this week in light of the anniversary of Lex’s entrance into the universe, which we are all very grateful for, as well as the, just passed holiday, and hallowed day in the OLP canon, 4/20.
Lex (02:23):
4/20, blaze it.
Jordan (02:24):
Or as my mom says: blaze it, love you, sweetie.
Lex (02:27):
Love your mom so much.
Jordan (02:28):
I love my mom too. I also love my dad.
Lex (02:32):
No, I mean, we love all our parents in this household. But your mom’s the only one who texts you happy 4/20, blaze it, love you.
Jordan (02:42):
This is true. So in this specific case, my mom’s winning. But in honor of all of those things, we decided to open a conversation and have a little chat about out of every celebrity who has spoken about having ADHD or ADD or any historical figure who people think, you know, retrospectively, might have had ADHD, who from that pool of people would be your dream blunt rotation?
Lex (03:15):
It’s an age-old question, really. You know, truly, armchair philosophers have been debating this for centuries.
Jordan (03:23):
Truly. There have been papers. There have been fights, probably.
Lex (03:28):
Yes. Quite. I’ve been watching a lot of period dramas, everybody. Buckle up. Yeah. So we’re gonna talk about the ADHD dream blunt rotation.
Jordan (03:41):
Yes, we are. And to dive right into that topic, as somebody who personally, I was gonna say, doesn’t agree with weed, but that’s phrasing it very wrong. I don’t disagree with weed. I’m not like a Mary Jane teetotaler over here, but weed does not agree with me. So I do not partake, which means that, Lex, you’re going to have to intro to me and the rest of our audience, what makes up a dream blunt rotation? What are the characteristics you look for in somebody to be a part of your DBR?
Lex (04:19):
You know, as we’ve spoken, this is a highly and widely debated topic and lots of people have different opinions on what’s the best way. I’m so sorry.
Jordan (04:31):
There’s many an academic theory.
Lex (04:33):
I have done no research because I’m gonna do this the good old fashioned American way, by my own opinion and that alone.
Jordan (04:45):
No, but there is general criteria as to what makes a person good to smoke weed with, right?
Lex (04:53):
So that’s the thing, right? Basically, the reason I say all of that beforehand is because I have decided upon parameters that I believe to be the dream blunt rotation and what makes up a blunt rotation at all from there, you know, what makes it a decent one, let alone the dream.
Jordan (05:12):
I see. I see. So there are layers to this. Like an onion.
Lex (05:15):
There are. A blunt rotation. It’s just basic bare bones of it all. For those of you who are either not of legal age or just, you know, were bullied in school and didn’t get invited to these kinds of parties and that’s okay.
Jordan (05:29):
Like me, you’re in good company. Well, you’re in company. Anyways. Go.
Lex (05:33):
I think you’re in good company.
Jordan (05:35):
Thank you.
Lex (05:35):
Love you, bro.
Jordan:
Love you, bro.
Lex (05:41):
So a blunt rotation is-
Jordan:
Is that like somebody who can rotate the blunt through their fingers, like drumsticks?
Lex (05:44):
That is a blunt rotator. Also the most annoying person in the rotation. The type of person you would like to avoid.
Jordan (05:53):
Okay.
Lex (05:53):
What do you think? What’s gonna happen? Actually, no, I think the only exception to that would be if you’re just gonna pull a really weird flex when you’re ashing the joint. So a blunt, a joint, a J, a jazz cigarette.
Jordan (06:07):
A doobie?
Lex (06:08):
A doobie. Yeah.
Jordan (06:10):
A roach? Is that different?
Lex:
A roach is partially smoked or almost fully smoked. So a joint or J. There’s paper inside of that paper that is rolled up into a tube, is a lot of the little green dried out leafy bits from weed and you get all that good sticky-icky in there, you wrap up the paper, and you can make these as big, thick, thin, small, short, you can make a blunt really to your liking. And you know, sometimes if you add tobacco in there, that’s a spliff. Which is the way some people like to, I think that’s sort of a more British thing. Spliff is a British term, but I know the first time I ever partook, it was spliff. And that man who offered me a hit off of said spliff was decidedly, not British. I don’t remember his name, but I salute you. You were really hot.
Jordan (07:12):
Godspeed, Spliffman.
Lex (07:13):
And you started me off on a very strange path in my life. Did I mention hot? You were also very hot. If you’re out there in the ether. If you think that you’re the person who gave me my first spliff. Maybe, probably not. I don’t know. Some dude at Western Michigan University whose name I do not recall, but whose eyes are engraved in my memory.
Jordan (07:34):
Wow. That’s really beautiful. I’m happy for you.
Lex (07:37):
Oh, sorry. What? Thank you. I beg you, forgive me. Oh my God. [Singing] Spliffman the weed boy.
Jordan (07:48):
Trying to think of a word for weed that has two syllables.
Lex (07:54):
Ganja.
Jordan (07:55):
Ganja. There it is. Bring me joy. Bring me keef. That doesn’t rhyme though.
Lex (08:02):
Yeah, but we can do whatever we want because this is the dream blunt rotation episode because who’s gonna fucking remember if something doesn’t rhyme in the next three passes.
Jordan (08:13):
That’s fair. Okay. So all right, ground rules of rotating the blunt have been established.
Lex (08:19):
Doesn’t matter if you rhyme, if someone starts singing the Christian song mid blunt rotation.
Jordan (08:26):
Duly noted.
Lex (08:27):
So that one’s number one.
Jordan (08:28):
Now we need to know who are we rotating?
Lex (08:32):
But that’s the thing though, a blunt rotation, it sounds obvious, but for those of you who don’t know, it’s when people sit in a circle or other sort of shape that is-
Jordan (08:41):
Vaguely round?
Lex (08:42):
Well, so that is useful for, I’m trying to think of a very specific word that sounds really smart. So it’s useful for- watch, if we don’t edit this part out, someone’s gonna be like, it’s fucking, and they’re gonna just be like, it’s this word.
Jordan (08:59):
Please tell us if you know what it is. We’re probably not gonna remember.
Lex (09:03):
Oh, yes. Okay, I remember. So okay, in a circle or roundish shape or whatever shape is most conducive to passing the blunt between participants.
Jordan (09:13):
I see. There’s an order to it.
Lex (09:15):
Yes. Similar to how the church views worship and prayer. You know, I believe that it’s not-
Jordan (09:23):
No, continue, continue. I wanna hear this.
Lex (09:26):
Okay, sorry. So similar to- I thought of this ahead of time. I’m so sorry. This was premeditated. Similar to how the church may look at two or more people and say, yes, that is where the church is gathered. Two or more believers, the body and the blood of Christ, two or more. That’s a church, that’s worship. I think we could safely say that you can’t do a blunt rotation alone. You have to have at least two or more people in the rotation for it to be a rotation. That said, have I partaken in a solo blunt rotation before? Yes. And I just rotate it back and forth between my hand and my mouth.
Jordan (10:12):
I see. Okay.
Lex (10:13):
I guess technically, you know, but, it’s an enigma. We can’t know these things fully.
Jordan (10:20):
Great. That does beg the question though, is there, to your opinion or Mary Jane standards, an optimal number of people in a blunt rotation?
Lex (10:32):
Now see, that is very subjective because it depends on the size of the blunt. So for our basic purposes, we will go with the average amount of grams of weed in a normal joint that is sold at any old dispensary across the United States. So that is the parameters that we’re gonna work with in terms of what are we passing? What are we rotating? And so a joint is .3 grams. And so between a handful of people, that’s really not a lot. And so I would argue that the dream blunt rotation is somewhere between three and six. Because if you’re less than three, then you’re just two people getting really, really fucked up and having a great time, probably. Hopefully, maybe. And you are rotating it back and forth, but that’s a lot of weed per person in one sitting. Three, you’re gonna get a little weird, probably, together.
Jordan (11:29):
Very reasonably baked.
Lex (11:30):
Yes. So three, I think if you’re looking to get rowdier than usual, would be sort of ideal on that end. But I don’t think any more than six is good, right? Because six at the point is already probably too many people to actually fairly get enough blunt hits, but six is a great number in terms of aesthetic and, you know, golden ratios and whatnot.
Jordan (11:56):
It’s a very Renaissance sort of rotation.
Lex (11:58):
Exactly. You get it. You know how it goes in academia, we see something from several centuries ago.
Jordan (12:06):
We put a spiral on it and we say fuck yeah.
Lex (12:08):
Well, yeah. And you know, and back in the day they said, this is perfect. And we said, sounds good. And we never changed it or questioned it. And here it is.
Jordan (12:16):
Yes indeed, my old pal, old sport.
Lex (12:18):
Look at that square with some spirals and more squares in it. I like that one. It is really aesthetically pleasing. I’m not here to knock the golden ratio. I feel like there’s gonna be some math nerds in the audience who are gonna be like, hey, that’s my emotional support golden ratio.
Jordan (12:33):
Fibonacci was off the shits. He knew what was up.
Lex (12:35):
Oh yeah, for sure. But so three to six. Because I think between there you get the optimal amount of, depending on what you’re most in the mood for, stoned and company. And I think that each person in this blunt rotation has a role to play. And so I think three to six is sort of in that room. And so I’m gonna leave it up to you. Between three and six, what number in there feels best to you?
Jordan (13:04):
I’m just trying to think through, obviously as somebody who has never been a part of a blunt rotation, I’m guessing here based on movies, mostly.
Lex (13:14):
And living with me.
Jordan (13:14):
And living with you. Yeah. I feel like I would want somebody who can manage the snack situation. Who’s a good cook.
Lex (13:25):
Let me stop you there. Not necessarily a good cook, but is functional in a kitchen while stoned. At the very least, if it’s just to open the takeout boxes for everyone else. Just someone who is functional enough to prepare and bring food to the rest of us. That sounds reasonable. And I also have that person on my list.
Jordan (13:46):
Somebody who can be in charge of the food situation, I feel like you need one outgoing, bold person and one outgoing, really mild, chill person to keep the energy up, but balance.
Lex (14:02):
Yep. The instigator and the friend.
Jordan (14:05):
And then probably one person who’s really good at rolling a joint.
Lex (14:12):
Yeah. The actual weed man. Doesn’t actually have to be a man, but the weed man. That’s the title.
Jordan (14:19):
Like the Sandman or the Mothman.
Lex (14:22):
Mr Weedman. Weed me, your man.
Jordan (14:33):
Bring me the dankest.
Lex (14:35):
Kush that I’ve ever seen. Anyways.
Jordan (14:38):
Am I missing anyone?
Lex (14:40):
Well, okay. So we’ve got snacks, we’ve got an instigator. We’ve got the actual person who brings, and usually the same person rolls, the weed. You’ve got the friendly, not to put a gender role on it, but the mom sort of friend.
Jordan (14:55):
Right. The parental unit.
Lex (14:57):
Who is also very outgoing and friendly, but chill and protective and safe. Safe friendly. So that’s what, four?
Jordan (15:05):
Maybe one more person who is mostly quiet, but then just pops in to say off the shits things every so often.
Lex (15:11):
Yeah. So the fifth person is, I would agree, not integral to the experience, but always fun to have, like the weed man’s friend.
Jordan (15:20):
It really rounds things out. They’re the person who’s gonna suggest that you try something from the capable food person that you would never dream of.
Lex (15:28):
Yes, exactly. And a sixth optional person is the newbie.
Jordan (15:33):
Okay. I’m assuming that’s gonna be me in my blunt rotation?
Lex (15:36):
Yeah. And I mean, I was sort of imagining, if we go with six as the top number, you automatically fill the newbie spot and I automatically fill the instigator spot.
Jordan (15:47):
Yes. Okay.
Lex (15:48):
So that leaves us four spots to include people from both our lists.
Jordan (15:53):
So we need the food person, the weed man, the weed man’s friend and the mom friend.
Lex (15:58):
Yeah. And those are loose, right? I think those are sort of loose, though we say weed man or the mom friend. it can be any person, you know, as long as it fits the vibe. And so by the end of this episode, we shall create the ideal ADHD dream team, blunt rotation.
Jordan (16:16):
Amen.
Lex (16:17):
Do you have any questions thus far based on the parameters that we’ve set out? I’m sure in the audience, you may have questions, but I’m gonna ask you to hold them for after the episode, because we can’t talk back to you. So sorry. It’s an inconvenience of the medium, as y’all understand.
Jordan (16:32):
You know how this goes, we say our Twitter at the end of it, you know where to find us? Hopefully not too literally.
Lex (16:39):
Some of you do.
Jordan (16:40):
Yeah. Anyways.
Lex (16:42):
Questions.
Jordan (16:42):
None so far. Continue.
Lex (16:44):
Amazing. Okay. Well, shall we get to it?
Jordan (16:47):
Let’s light it up.
Lex (16:49):
Okay. I will be very honest with both you and the audience. I started writing down my dream ADHD blunt rotation list. I got about three people in and then realized-
Jordan (17:02):
That you were too high to finish?
Lex (17:03):
Maybe so. And then I forgot about it.
Jordan (17:07):
That’s why we’re here to knock it out together, my friend.
Lex (17:10):
So I feel like I should just tell you what my list is really quick just to bang out those three or four that I got down.
Jordan (17:14):
Throw it at me.
Lex (17:15):
I think in my brain I was also including fictional characters.
Jordan (17:27):
Yeah. Why the hell not?
Lex (17:28):
Yeah. And I also watched something recently that I was like, well, yep. We’ve talked about this character before on our podcast and I get this. So the first one on my list, my dad.
Jordan (17:45):
That was not at all what I expected. And I am more delighted than I can say. Please elaborate on why your dad and what his role in the DBR is.
Lex (17:57):
So I love that you’re calling it a DBR. It’s very fun. Very white of us.
Jordan (18:02):
I’m gonna stop calling it DBR then.
Lex (18:04):
No, I just mean just giving it an acronym, like in the DBR, you know. So my dad, Bob. Yes. My dad’s name is Bob. Love him to bits. He’s been there since I was born ‘cause he’s my dad. And my dad, to my knowledge, and from what he has expressed to me, has never partaken in weed, except for on accident in college when one of his college roommates had made some brownies. And dear old Bob didn’t know that there were some things in the brownies that maybe wouldn’t be super conducive to his studies at college and apparently he had to miss classes for a couple days.
Jordan:
A couple days?
Lex:
He ate several brownies. Yeah. So that’s the only time. And so for me, partially, it’s almost like I wanna redeem this little plant for my father. And also my dad just says the craziest off-the-wall shit. So my dad would absolutely be the weed man’s friend.
Jordan (19:07):
The weed man’s friend, Bob. Okay.
Lex (19:09):
And that’s not set in stone, right? This is just my list. This is just my brainstorming list that is only three people long.
Jordan (19:16):
Great. Well, there’s only four spots to fill at this point.
Lex (19:18):
Yeah, but you have a list too, that we need to look at and take seriously ‘cause I would like to hear that because the second one on my list, your dad. Your dad’s the weed guy.
Jordan (19:35):
Oh yeah. No questions asked there.
Lex (19:38):
Your dad who asked us if you had a bong in the house and looked so disappointed when you said no. Oh my gosh. Oh, I forgot your parents listen to this podcast. I’m so sorry, Wes. I just think you’d be really funny and fun to smoke weed with. Maybe we could listen to some Moby.
Jordan (19:58):
Oh no. I feel like it would end up being like-
Lex (20:01):
The Cure. That’s what people like them listen to when they got high. Right?
Jordan (20:06):
Not quite The Cure. I feel like that’s a little-
Lex (20:08):
Cracker?
Jordan (20:09):
Maybe.
Lex (20:10):
Yeah. Cuz that fucking song Low that everyone’s like, do you know which song I’m talking about?
Jordan (20:14):
Yeah. Yeah. There we go. Soundtrack sorted. I feel like that’s also a very important part of dream blunt rotation functionality. Yeah. Someone on tunes. We need a Neil. We need a Neil to bang out the tunes.
Lex (20:27):
Maybe seven. It is a really divine number.
Jordan (20:29):
It is. Prime. I feel like if it’s a good enough group, you can have two blunts.
Lex (20:35):
Yeah. No, in this instance let’s bump it up to seven because this is the dream. And we need a DJ. And we will get to that. Because your dad is definitely the weed man. Again, these are not set in stone.
Jordan (20:47):
I’m loving it though.
Lex (20:48):
So those were the first two that came to mind. I wrote those two down. Third one, Anne Shirley of Green Gables.
Jordan (20:58):
And what role does Anne of Green Gables fill in your dream blunt rotation?
Lex (21:08):
Food.
Jordan (21:09):
Okay. All right.
Lex (21:10):
She canonically gets really good at baking because of a character that teaches her how to bake and make food and stuff. I would have Anne of Green Gables. And also, because I was trying to think of people who have ADHD. Canonically she makes a lot of food. She has ADHD. Whether they say it or not, I don’t care what you think. You’re wrong. She has ADHD. So you know, and when I think about title alone, Green Gables.
Jordan (21:38):
What’s so green about it, huh?
Lex (21:40):
You know, I always thought that Marilla and Matthew, the brother and sister who adopted her, are way too chill.
Jordan (21:47):
They’re farmers, right?
Lex (21:48):
Oh, they’re farmers. They got lots of land. Yep. Anyways. So I think Anne would be in there for me. She also is so smart and spews a bunch of shit that no one else would even have to worry about talking, but it could get annoying. So she’s on the fence for me.
Jordan (22:06):
Okay. Okay. That’s fair. She’s a possible food person.
Lex (22:10):
That’s kind of as far as I got, so hit me with yours.
Jordan (22:14):
No, that’s fair. So let’s see. We still need-
Lex (22:18):
Well, but I wanna hear cuz these aren’t set in stone. Remember? So I don’t need to hear all of yours, but-
Jordan (22:23):
Let me take a look at my list.
Lex (22:25):
I guess it is probably safe to say that our dads stay in.
Jordan (22:30):
Yeah. So I feel like off the bat, Channing Tatum is my weed man. Yeah.
Lex (22:38):
Channing Tatum’s the mom friend.
Jordan (22:38):
Channing Tatum’s the mom friend. Okay.
Lex (22:41):
Friendly. Outgoing. But will take care of you. Will make you feel safe. You’re telling me you’re gonna look at that jawline and be like, I’m scared. No.
Jordan (22:49):
No, that’s fair.
Lex (22:50):
That is a protective jawline.
Jordan (22:51):
That’s fair. That is fair.
Lex (22:52):
And also I just can’t let go of the fact that your dad’s the weed man.
Jordan (22:56):
No, that’s fair. Food person. Jamie Oliver feels like too easy of an answer. So I’m not gonna say that. I’m gonna say, oh gosh.
Lex (23:05):
Can I hear your list actually? Let’s just hear the list.
Jordan (23:08):
Yeah. Okay. Simone Biles. Solange. Ty Pennington. Will.i.am. JT, Justin Timberlake. Obviously we got Channing Tatum. Emma Watson. This one was a surprise to me, Zooey Deschanel.
Lex (23:23):
She’s so quirky though.
Jordan (23:24):
I know. I know.
Lex (23:29):
Sorry. No hate to Zooey Deschanel.
Jordan (23:31):
Yeah. No, but here’s the thing I’m very curious about the difference between that persona and Zooey “Baja Blasted” Deschanel, you know?
Lex (23:40):
Fair. You know, see here’s the thing, everyone you just listed off, I’m happy. I’m content with that blunt rotation. But that’s a lot of people and we would have to have several blunts.
Jordan (23:49):
Oh yeah. No, this isn’t everyone that I wanna include. These were all the options.
Lex (23:52):
No, that’s what I’m saying. But I’m saying my problem is that I like a lot of them. You know what I mean? I would happily smoke with any of them. You know who else has ADHD? Dylan Playfair. The guy who plays Reilly in Letterkenny.
Jordan (24:08):
He kinda has to be included. But here’s the thing, I’m gonna throw two more at you that are gonna complicate this. One, Paris Hilton. Who I feel like would be a classic weed man’s friend. Because she’d just go off about vintage radios. And dogs’ auras.
Lex:
Someone would have a coughing fit just quietly in the corner. That’s hot.
Jordan (24:33):
See. And I’m so sorry for what I’m about to say to you, Victoria Pedretti.
Lex (24:39):
Victoria Pedretti has ADHD?
Jordan (24:40):
Yeah. She’s talked about having ADD.
Lex (24:42):
Oh my God.
Jordan (24:43):
I know.
Lex (24:44):
Oh no. What do we do?
Jordan (24:47):
I feel like my three off of that list are Channing Tatum, Victoria Pedretti, and Paris Hilton.
Lex (24:53):
Okay. But the desire to also smoke weed with Simone Biles. And Will.i.am. I’m like, Will.i.am, do you wanna come do the music? Could Will.i.am be our music man?
Jordan (25:04):
Yeah.
Lex (25:05):
Sha-poopy, sha-poopy, sha-poopy.
Jordan (25:11):
Here’s the thing.
Lex (25:11):
I said the music man.
Jordan (25:12):
No, no, no. I’m gonna let you have this because can you think of anything funnier than watching Will.i.am sing the music man, while you are in space?
Lex (25:23):
Absolutely roasted. Oh my God. That would literally be the funniest fucking thing. Will.i.am is there, he’s in. I’ve decided, I’m sorry. I’m over. Who else would be the DJ?
Jordan (25:34):
No, that’s fair. That’s fair. To be fair, Scary Spice is also on the list. So I know.
Lex (25:40):
Yeah, but I like Will.i.am as a person who can give us the good music. All right. But that means we have to choose between my dad and Paris Hilton.
Jordan (25:51):
Oh God.
Lex (25:52):
I know. What else could my dad do? Could my dad do anything else? Okay. Here’s something I will propose to you. If we just decide to scrap the original parameters for fun because this is the dream and we include several different blunts. So that everyone gets plenty of the good stuff. Could we potentially, I think, have multiple of the weed man’s friend archetype, the person who was there with a friend and will say some weird bananas shit outta nowhere. And I would put to you that there are two at this rotation and they are my father, Bob, and Paris Hilton, hotel heiress.
Jordan (26:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lex (26:30):
Does that sound good? Just cuz how am I supposed to choose?
Jordan(26:34):
No, that’s fair.
Lex (26:34):
You tell me, how am I supposed to choose between my dad and Paris Hilton?
Jordan (26:38):
We’ll put up a Twitter poll. In most cases I would be hesitant to have two weed man’s friends cuz that can get intense. But I think they’d play off of each other very well in this case.
Lex (26:48):
And I think it doesn’t necessarily need to be the weed man’s friends, right? It could just be like I’m the instigator, but I brought my dad along. I do love the idea of Paris Hilton being the weed man’s friend and your dad being the weed man. And so your dad brought Paris Hilton. That’s very good.
Jordan (27:03):
I love that for everyone involved, myself especially.
Lex (27:06):
Yeah. That’s amazing.
Jordan (27:08):
Okay. So Will.i.am is our Neil banging out the tunes? Channing Tatum’s the mom friend. Okay.
Lex (27:14):
You’re the newbie. I’m the instigator. So we just need the food person. I have a theory on this one. Unless you’ve got one.
Jordan (27:22):
No, lay it on me.
Lex (27:23):
So this is a reach, but I want her to be there. Victoria Pedretti as the food person.
Jordan (27:29):
As the food person. I’m sure she had to learn how to do a lot of stuff for You season two.
Lex (27:35):
She had to have learned so much stuff, and season three. ‘Cause she cooks in season three too. It’s less cuz they have a baby and stuff. Yeah, I’m gonna say that she’s the food person and, Victoria Pedretti, if you, for some reason, end up hearing this and you can’t cook, I’m sorry that we’ve put you in this position. Can you just bring us some snacks?
Jordan (27:55):
Yeah. You don’t have to cook. You just have to be functional enough to make food happen. Whether that’s making it, whether that’s assembling ingredients.
Lex (28:07):
And then just politely ignore the way I am staring at you while stoned out of my mind.
Jordan (28:14):
It’s very respectful. I promise.
Lex (28:15):
It’s full of respect and adoration. I promise.
Jordan (28:18):
Yeah. Yep. Or if it’s just to call the delivery person and go downstairs to get the food, we will all owe you our lives for that or less. You can have it. Whatever you want, ma’am. Okay. Okay. Where’s Simone Biles?
Lex (28:36):
Do you think she’d be in the mom friend category or the instigator?
Jordan (28:40):
That’s a tough question.
Lex (28:40):
I hesitate, but I feel like it’s me, Channing, or Simone. I don’t like that. I don’t like choosing between the three of us.
Jordan (28:48):
I don’t think you have to choose. I think it’s a question of, if we’re just including everyone, who is going to be the best combo of you and Simone Biles as instigators or Simone Biles and Channing Tatum as the mom friends. And I’m saying it out loud and I’m fighting with the second one.
Lex (29:05):
Same. Although I would absolutely get up to some mischief with Simone.
Jordan (29:09):
I mean you still get up to mischief with Simone Biles, but safely. Yeah. Yeah.
Lex (29:16):
All right. So let’s list that off then. Let me hear it.
Jordan (29:18):
So we have in our Or, Learn Parkour dream ADHD blunt rotation, as the mom friends, Channing Tatum and Simone Biles.
Lex (29:30):
Amazing.
Jordan (29:31):
As the food person, either Anne of Green Gables or Victoria Pedretti.
Lex (29:35):
Oh, scratch Anne. Sorry, you’re fictional. It’s Victoria Pedretti.
Jordan (29:39):
It’s always Victoria Pedretti in this house. Yep. Weed man. My father, wait a second, I realized a problem. We can’t invite my dad and not my mom.
Lex (29:49):
Yeah. Same with my mom. But that’s the thing.
Jordan (29:51):
Does your mom want to come though?
Lex (29:53):
Here’s the thing. If we were having a big party like that, I think she would have to, right? If my dad was actually to the point where he was gonna smoke a blunt, my mom would also have to be. You know what I mean? ‘Cause neither of them actually want to at this point in their lives.
Jordan (30:06):
See, the thing is, like we said, at the top of this episode, my mom is the one who texts me and says happy 4/20 blaze it, love my girl.
Lex (30:15):
Your mom and dad are the weed man.
Jordan (30:17):
My parents are the weed people.
Lex (30:18):
Your parents are the weed man.
Jordan (30:19):
Great, great. My mother and father as the weed man.
Lex (30:24):
Friends of the show. Former guests.
Jordan (30:27):
Yes. Yes. Go check out that episode and then think about smoking weed with both of them.
Lex (30:33):
I can’t wait all day, personally.
Jordan (30:38):
Honestly. No, that’s fair. Okay. But as the weed man’s friend, we have both your father, Bob, and Paris Hilton.
Lex (30:46):
That seems correct.
Jordan (30:47):
It does. I’m the newbie, natch. You’re the instigator, natch. And then the DJ is Will.i.am.
Lex (30:56):
Wait a minute. Dylan Playfair.
Jordan (30:58):
Oh shit.
Lex (30:59):
Where is he gonna go?
Jordan (31:00):
I feel like, hear me out, this might be a little bit out of the bounds of a blunt rotation, but it’s an element of the experience.
Lex (31:08):
I’m listening.
Jordan (31:08):
He just shows up late in the night and nobody knows who he knows.
Lex (31:14):
You’re right. I cannot believe I’ve forgotten such a crucial- sorry, I cannot believe that I’ve forgotten such a crucial part of my research. I thank you.
Jordan (31:23):
Of course.
Lex (31:24):
Clever.
Jordan (31:25):
Will I receive a dedication in your manuscript?
Lex (31:27):
Oh, not just the manuscript, but the finished product.
Jordan (31:31):
Oh good sir, you flatter me.
Lex (31:31):
So anyways, not to get too emotional.
Jordan (31:36):
And last, but certainly not least, the rando, Dylan Playfair.
Lex (31:40):
Yes. Oh, so good. My evidence for him is that my cousin once met him and some of the other people of the cast of Letterkenny and saw them smoke weed. So come on in, bud. And I know you have ADHD, he’s talked about it.
Jordan (31:54):
And weed’s super legal in Michigan.
Lex (31:56):
Yeah, it’s fine. Yeah. It’s fine. Great.
Jordan (31:59):
Cool. I think we’ve come up with a very good list.
Lex (32:02):
I think we have too. I’m kind of blown away.
Jordan (32:03):
Well done, us.
Lex (32:04):
Well done, us.
Jordan (32:12):
If I ever smoked weed or knew a bunch of celebrities, sounds like a dream.
Lex (32:14):
All around ten outta ten. Happy to be here. Welcome, one and all. Cool. Happy belated 4/20. Shall we do some quick DTs?
Jordan (32:25):
Yeah.
Lex (32:26):
Sweet.
Jordan (32:26):
Just in case, for some absolutely bizarre reason, this is the first episode that you’re tuning into and you’ve stayed this long, the Dopamine Trampoline is a segment that we do at the end of each show where we just talk about something that is bringing us dopamine, is making us happy. Something that we’ve enjoyed or spent a lot of time on recently, or it could be a throwback, like something that we hyperfixated on as a kid. Something that’s just getting us through the days, or what have you. So let’s bounce on over. Lex, what’s your DT this week?
Lex (33:06):
So I’m gonna hop on up there onto the trampoline and tell y’all a little bit about something that I kind of wanted to just, okay. Yeah, no, fuck it. I just was watching this recently and I was like, yeah, I’ll talk about that. If you know me, you know that I love, love, love some good reality television for the good reasons, the bad reasons, I will watch all of it. Whether you wanna refer to it as a guilty pleasure or not, I don’t feel very guilty about it. But I feel like that’s sort of the general term that I would’ve put it under just because I know that the people in these TV shows are not doing things that normal people should do to each other a lot of the time. And it’s not a good example to live by, but god it’s so fucking funny. Oh my, I just love a good trashy reality TV show. And so, this is probably mean, and if any of them ever found out, I would be very scared of them, but the cast members of Selling Sunset. I mean, if you heard me say that your show’s trashy and that you’re trashy, please don’t hurt me, please. But Selling Sunset is a fairly popular show on Netflix. So I’m sure a fair amount of you have seen it before or at least heard of it. It is a reality television show featuring the Oppenheim Group, which is a real estate agency in Los Angeles, California, and it’s a really high-end realty company, brokerage firm, whatever the hell. So it’s not just about out all of these exorbitantly expensive homes and mansions in The Hills, you know, there’s all this stuff going on there, which is very interesting, but also all of the real estate agents at the Oppenheim Group are young, wealthy, hot, wear five-inch heels everywhere, and sell these multimillion-dollar homes every day. And they have quite a bit of drama amongst one another.
Jordan (35:11):
Oh, you don’t say.
Lex (35:12):
And there’s five seasons, started in 2019. And it’s dropped the latest season pretty recently and there’s a reunion dropping in May that I’m excited to watch. And I just caught up with the most recent season that dropped on Netflix. And let me tell you, this show is just worth nothing. There’s nothing in here that is of any value to me or anybody else, really, that I can see. I say that lovingly with the understanding that the value is joy and laughter and maybe some cathartic rage at how rich people behave sometimes. But also, it’s just funny. It’s very interesting to watch these people just go through their lives and, I don’t know, something about it just really hits and it really gets me. I mean, when I was younger, I used to watch Jersey Shore and The Real World and The Bachelor. I mean, I still watch some of those that are still on. You know, love Survivor. Reality TV, for me, it really gets it. But Selling Sunset has just been scratching an itch for me lately. It’s just stupid, mean, rich people selling big fancy things while the rest of us are just quietly rotting. You know, sometimes I’m like, this is just criminal. This is really criminal, but I can’t stop watching.
Jordan (36:36):
Is it the same realtors every season? Or is it a different group of people?
Lex (36:43):
It’s the same ones. I mean, new people come in and get added to the firm and stuff.
Jordan (36:47):
Sure, sure.
Lex (36:48):
But that’s pretty much it. There’s some dogs, which are cute.
Jordan (36:52):
Nice. Okay. Okay. Love that.
Lex (36:54):
Yeah. Selling Sunset. What a show.
Jordan (36:57):
Do you have any favorite realtors?
Lex (37:00):
I will say between Christine and Crishell. I definitely in real life would probably be more on the side of Chrishell, but as a viewer I’m obsessed with Christine.
Jordan (37:13):
Okay.
Lex (37:14):
Christine Quinn is the villain. She’s the primary antagonist the entire time, basically.
Jordan (37:20):
Christine Quinn sounds like a villain name.
Lex (37:23):
Yeah. And she is the one who, if any of y’all saw screenshots from a TV show or GIFs from a TV show where a very beautiful tall blonde pregnant woman had a bag, but instead of a bag it was just one of those chains with a chair on it. And then, yeah, that’s her.
Jordan (37:45):
Okay. I feel like I understand a lot more now.
Lex (37:49):
Yeah. So I love this show and I think I would probably poop my pants if I met Christine Quinn in real life. Cuz if you ever listen to this podcast, you’re so intimidating and I know you know that, but also, oh my gosh.
Jordan (38:05):
Follow up question. Did the chair have pockets?
Lex (38:09):
No.
Jordan (38:10):
Okay.
Lex (38:11):
It’s just for fashion. It doesn’t hold anything.
Jordan (38:13):
Did she sit on it?
Lex (38:13):
No. It’s a little chair purse. So it’s like a purse chair.
Jordan (38:18):
Okay. So it is not the size of a chair. It is the size of a purse.
Lex (38:24):
It’s the size of a purse and it’s a chair.
Jordan (38:24):
You can’t put anything in it?
Lex (38:26):
Yeah. It’s just a fucking diamond encrusted folding chair on a chain that she’s wearing like a purse and the person that she’s meeting is like, what’s that for? She’s like, it’s fashion. It doesn’t hold anything. You can see why I am obsessed with her. But also she’s really mean and has done some really awful things if the editing is to be believed. So again, I would be very scared to meet her in person, but also, the audacity to just walk around and behave the way she does. I can’t help but admire it, you know? Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense? At some point you kind of just look at people and you’re like, you’re a cartoon villain and I just have to respect the fact that you’ve committed that hard.
Jordan (39:07):
Yeah. That’s fair.
Lex (39:08):
It’s fun to watch. Selling Sunset, Netflix. Five seasons.
Jordan (39:13):
Astounding.
Lex (39:13):
What’s yours?
Jordan (39:16):
All right. I’m gonna throw it in reverse here for a second and just go the complete opposite way. My Dopamine Trampoline this week are Rainier cherries, which are my favorite variety of Cherry. They’re also, at this point, grown in Oregon and California as well. They do to some degree ship them out. But they’re much more common on the west coast than they are the rest of the United States, because they’re harder to ship. They’re much more delicate than dark sweet cherries of other varieties. But if you’ve never had a Rainier cherry, they’re a really, really beautiful, light yellow color with sort of a pink, red blush on it. So they’re not that dark red of, you know, when you think of cherries. They’re originally a cross between the Bing and the Van cherry. And they were developed at Washington State University in 1952. They’re very tasty. The flavor is sweeter than a standard sweet cherry. The acidity is lower and the flesh is a little bit more tender. So they taste more sweet cuz they don’t have the acidity to balance, but they still have enough of it that they’re perfect. They’re pretty much just eating-cherries. They don’t need sugar. They don’t need to be in a pie crust. They don’t need anything like that. They are truly the perfect eating-cherry. Especially where I grew up, they tend to be ready to harvest mid-June, I wanna say, I think this season, depending on where you are on the west coast, like in California, you can start getting them late May.
Lex (40:52):
Yeah. I mean cherries are famously fickle trees.
Jordan (40:55):
Yes. Yeah. And with these ones too. Apparently, about a third of the crop every year is just eaten by birds.
Lex (41:02):
Too much rain, too much sun, birds, not putting enough specific chemicals on, putting too many. Cherries are truly so fickle. That’s why they cost so much.
Jordan (41:15):
Yep. If they have rain sitting on them for too long at the wrong time, they explode. So that’s another fun fact. If you’ve ever driven past a cherry orchard and they have those big fucking fans, that’s to blow the rain off of them. So they don’t explode.
Lex (41:30):
Yeah. Yeah. They split. It’s probably a more-
Jordan (41:34):
Probably more accurate, but much less fun.
Lex (41:36):
Much less fun. I feel like I’m adding a lot to your DT right now. I do.
Jordan (41:41):
You’re the one who has cherry trees.
Lex (41:43):
Well, I don’t have them, but my family has a farm and has some cherry trees, used to have a lot more and we have a cherry pad and I grew up working there in the summer. Working on the cherry pad during the summer strain cherry harvest. But we have dark cherries, sweet cherries like that. So, I mean, I also think that they’re the perfect eating cherry, but I also am not picky. I will eat Rainier cherries too.
Jordan (42:06):
Just cherries across the board. Amazing. Yeah, cherry season’s coming up in less than a month.
Lex (42:13):
I would guess. Given how cold it’s been across the board, probably a little bit longer. We’ll see. I mean, I know Michigan used to be huge for cherries. There’s a cherry festival up in Traverse City, Michigan, but you can’t really grow cherry trees up there anymore because the climate’s become too unfriendly to really get an actual profitable crop, I guess would be the way to put it. But that’s it, if you’re like, why is Lex so knowledgeable about agriculture? That’s why.
Jordan (42:45):
Your family kind of has a farm or whatever.
Lex (42:48):
Yeah. I grew up, you know, free-range farm bread, corn fed etc. So keep telling us about these cherries or was that kinda it?
Jordan (42:56):
I mean, that’s mostly it. I just love eating them and they always remind me of, because you know, the season in Washington, at least, is early to mid-June, usually. That was always Memorial Day into the end of the school year.
Lex (43:14):
Birthday season.
Jordan (43:15):
Into birthday season. Not quite that late, but it was that very beginning of summer. And they grow so much around my area that people just sell them on the side of the road for five bucks a bag and some places you can even go and they will let you pick your own and that’s always delicious. Just nothing beats still sun-warm fresh Rainier cherries. They just taste like summer to me. And I was thinking about ’em because it’s starting to feel like spring here in Chicago.
Lex (43:49):
You picked up some cherry tomatoes for me at the store today.
Jordan (43:52):
I did.
Lex:
Thank you.
Jordan:
You’re so welcome.
Lex (43:55):
You sure that didn’t have anything to do with it?
Jordan (43:57):
It didn’t, I’m sorry.
Lex (44:01):
Cherry. The word’s right there. My D&D character’s name is Cherry.
Jordan (44:04):
That’s true. I got that pineapple upside down cake ice cream that has cherries in it.
Lex (44:08):
Yes. We are just cherries all the way down.
Jordan (44:10):
We are. There we go. Yeah. Rainier cherries. If you’re ever on the west coast or they make it out to you. They don’t travel super well, which is why they’re not as common around the rest of the states. But yeah, if you’re ever in the Yakima valley or something, get some, you won’t regret it. Yeah.
Lex (44:27):
Yeah. Well, thanks. Fuck yeah, cherries.
Jordan (44:31):
Fuck yeah, cherries.
Lex (44:33):
Shall we wrap this up?
Jordan (44:34):
Let’s do it. This has been Or, Learn Parkour from Wholehearted Production Company.
Lex (44:39):
You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, really anywhere that cool people can find podcasts.
Jordan (44:45):
Special thanks to Krezia Perito for our wonderful cover art. You can find her at Petalhop. That’s P-E-T-A-L-H-O-P on Instagram, Twitter, and Etsy.
Lex (44:55):
Thank you also to Tom Rosenthal for our theme song, There is a Dark Place off of the album Keep a Private Room Behind the Shop.
Jordan (45:02):
You can follow us on the soshe meeds. We are @orlearnparkour on Twitter, @wearewpc on Instagram, and at wearewpc.com.
Lex (45:11):
You can find all those links as well as links to sources and transcripts in our episode description.
Jordan (45:17):
If you enjoy this podcast and want to hear more, click follow, click subscribe, whatever the button on your platform of choice says.
Lex (45:25):
Do it. Push it.
Jordan (45:28):
[Singing] Push it, push it to the limit, limit ‘cause we’re in it to win it. Oh yeah. If you would like to start a podcast of your own and have your own Disney channel, original movie sing-alongs, you can click the Buzzsprout affiliate link in our show notes.
Lex (45:45):
Yeah. I mean, if we can do it, so can you.
Jordan (45:48):
That’s true. The bar’s never been lower, my friends. You get a sweet little deal on podcast hosting from Buzzsprout, who are super rad. We’ve loved hosting our podcast with them and we get a little bit of money to keep the lights on and you get the joy and the honor of knowing that you’ve supported our indie little show.
Lex (46:07):
Yeah. And if that’s not enough for you, and you need more to do ‘cause you’re just a little do-gooder, you could also support the show by sharing with a friend, family, enemies, classmates, strangers on the street. Literally anybody. Tell people about our show, please. It is called Or comma Learn Parkour, please.
Jordan (46:25):
It’s about ADHD. If you haven’t cottoned onto that yet,
Lex (46:28):
You know, we’re doing our best, please share.
Jordan (46:31):
Yeah. Thanks, guys.
Lex (46:33):
And if you’re really feeling flirty, you could also donate to our Ko-fi, which you can find a link to on our website, Twitter, and Instagram.
Jordan (46:40):
Yep. You sure can. Cool. Is there anything else we wanted to say?
Lex (46:44):
Well, I mean, I guess I would just add, you know, now that we’ve said it, now that you’ve sung a song, Corbin Bleu, do you have ADHD? ‘Cause if you do, I would add him to the blunt rotation in a heartbeat.
Jordan (46:53):
Oh, for sure, for sure. I feel like just having a blazed conversation about the Wikipedia article situation alone would be hours of entertainment.
Lex (47:02):
You would just, you know what, that’s how we see god.
Jordan (47:05):
There we go. I’m Jordan.
Lex(47:07):
I’m Lex.
Jordan (47:08):
This has been Or, Learn Parkour. We’ll see you in two weeks.
Lex:
Amazing.